The Snarkings of a Snarky Swine
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider who,
In a rather awkward way,
Said something mildly offensive
In an attempt to lead Little Miss Muffet astray.
So Little Miss Muffet had the spider
Squished by a Twitter mob,
Which really ruined the spider’s day!
The End
Dear Pinheaded Liberals,
Going out on a limb, i am assuming that most of you are not evil, just really, really stupid. I am assuming that most of you dogfaces — unlike your filthy, lying Top Brass — actually care about things like freedom, equality, and so on. I am assuming that, unlike the elites you seem to love so much, you actually give a toss about the poor, the homeless, and all those A-rabs rendered lifeless by neo-con scum like W and O. This, i realize, may be a basket of unwarranted assumptions, but in dark times one has to try to look on the bright side.
So, going on the assumption that most of you are actually well-meaning fools as opposed to ill-meaning psychopaths, imagine this. Ten years from now, a certain liberal figure ( let’s call him Mr. Knucklehead Pastrami ) attends a protest against capitalist evil. Mr. Pastrami does nothing wrong, but somehow ends up arrested and charged with trying to start a riot, or littering, or spitting on the sidewalk, or wearing an unfashionable hat – whatever bullshit excuse they can find for charging him with, in essence, being anti-establishment.
How will you react to this news? You won’t. You won’t because you won’t know that it has happened. You won’t know because the State will have placed a gag order on the media. Sure, a few rebellious corners of the internet will risk arrest by mentioning it, but you, being liberals not Leftists, most likely are not frequenting those tiny, obscure websites. But, hey, who knows? Some of the major “liberal” sites like CNN might get a few stories out before the gag is put in place, right? Sure, they might – but they won’t be keeping them up once the gag is in place. Fearing prosecution and a cell next to poor old Knucklehead’s, they will simply pull those stories down and replace them with the much dreaded “404 – Freedom not found.”
As a result, all that you will know is that Mr. Pastrami has become mysteriously silent, and after a few months, distracted by the “radical, awesome and transformative” political proclamations being Tweeted by Hollywood’s phony Leftists, you will forget that poor old Knucklehead even existed. More importantly, you will soon forget all that liberal claptrap he used to spew…
This, my post-modern liberal friends, is the future that you are building when you fail to speak out against the gag order currently in place against any British reporting on the recent arrest and jailing of Far Right agitator Tommy Robinson. For now, at least, reporting will be allowed after the trial Robinson was reporting on is over, but with any luck – and you can bet this is what the bastards are counting on – by then everyone will have forgotten about Mr. Robinson and the fact that the press were gagged for weeks, even months. And that’s just the state of things as they stand. It is quite possible that we will soon see permanent gag orders placed on the arrest and jailing of political figures. Note that my concern lies mostly with the gag order. Perhaps Robinson’s arrest was justified, perhaps not. What matters here is that the British people are being kept in the dark regarding his arrest and imprisonment. And while for now it is a British problem, you are fools if you think it can’t happen in the U.S. and Europe. Even in countries where the law does not currently allow it, all that’s needed is a few changes in said law. Not hard to do in the U.S, for example, if Fox backs it for “national security reasons” and CNN backs it for the sake of “protecting minorities.”
As expected, pretty much the only people making noise about this atrocious development are the right wingers, proving once again that some sort of IQ exchange has taken place over the last few years and that it is now the right wing of politics that is not quite as dumb as a pile of bricks. Amongst the many things you liberals and pseudo-leftists have forgotten is that there is a thing called precedent. Not the legal kind, but the far more dangerous psychological kind. Once the folks have gotten accustomed to seeing such gags in place, they will be used more and more often to stop the public knowing what is happening to various enemies of the state until it is too late to do anything about it.
The other thing you latte-sipping, kale-munching types are ignoring is that an establishment run by a bunch of lily white Anglicans is highly unlikely to have any genuine concern for a bunch of brown Muslims. Hell, Britain’s establishment figures don’t even care about their fellow white Anglicans, much less about a bunch of Mohammads! But, thanks to your stupidity, they get away with pretending to care so they have your support while they manipulate you into a position somewhere between utter silence and a cold prison cell. Listen up, boys and girls – this is a key point. Make no mistake, this is ultimately NOT about silencing the right wing, it is about silencing ALL dissent, especially liberal or Leftist dissenters that dare to go outside the confines of the establishment’s beloved Identity Politics. Today it is Robinson getting the blackout treatment for opposing Islamic radicalism, tomorrow it will be YOU for daring to complain about the disappearing jobs, or cuts in welfare payments, or lack of low cost housing, or yet another mass slaughter of unsuspecting Tabouli-munchers. Your leaders will remain safe as they are about as truly liberal as a gang of Wall St bankers, and care about the poor even less than you care about the cockroaches living under your fridge. This is about YOU. This is about silencing your voices. This is about consigning your concerns to the dumpster of history. This is about making your future an authoritarian, neo-feudal hell. Hence it is incumbent on you to get off your well-fed asses and speak up about what is being done to Tommy Robinson – because tomorrow, you will be Tommy Robinson.
P.S
Here is the gag order – feel free to print it out and wipe your ass with it…
P.P.S
Stephen Yaksface-Lennon is Robinson’s real name, but you probably already know that.
Picture this. A middle class dude in possession of what he foolishly considers to be a good education is walking along minding his own business, when he is approached by a retarded man. The retarded chap proceeds to act like a total fool — jumping up and down, waving his arms wildly, uttering utter gibberish and so on. The middle class dude, in his smug superiority, just stands there laughing at this poor, benighted creature. Meanwhile, the poor, benighted creature’s confederate quietly sneaks his hand into our genius’ pocket, and walks away with his wallet. Now, you tell me – who’s the real retard? The guy feeling all smug and superior, or the guy who a few minutes from now will be in possession of half the contents of our “well-educated” pigeon’s wallet?
As you may have divined by now, the “retarded” man is a tall, rather overweight chap with a striking head of hair and skin bearing a hue usually found on a popular cornmeal-based snack food. Yes, folks, President Cheeto has struck again! Funny how this supposedly very stupid man never does anything stupid enough to cause himself serious damage, isn’t it? He never says, “Damn, i hate them niggers!” or “Fuck deporting the Mexicans and the Muslims, let’s just kill them all!” No. Every time this supposed mountebank puts on his big red nose it seems to be to his advantage, or at least not to any significant disadvantage! How about that? Either he’s saying something that most folks agree with – such as referring to shit-hole countries as shit-hole countries – or saying something that distracts us from what his buddies in congress are getting up to! It is never something fatally “stupid,” something that could end his political life — like deciding that the best way to cross a busy highway is with his eyes closed! I’m no Mr. Ed, but that seems a strange kind of stupidity to me…
Now, am i under the impression that President Cheeto is a genius, stable or otherwise? No, but what i do know is that while his supposedly intelligent critics were busy defending shit-holes and uploading pictures of Mr. Ed to Twitter, President Cheeto’s confederates were busy doing things that said critics would have had a big problem with – had they not been so distracted at the time. Some will argue that while feigned stupidity may be a tactic some times used by politicians, Trump’s stupidity is so often on display that, surely, it must be the genuine article! My answer to that is “No, you bunch of mouth-breathing pinheads!” First, i refer you to the above comment on how Trump never does anything fatally stupid, and secondly i must point out that this may be precisely how Trump wants you to think! If a clearly intelligent man like Obama suddenly starts acting like an idiot, the smarter observers will suspect that something is up. But if someone who has gone out of his way to establish himself as the village idiot acts really dumb, it’s just another day in Idiotville. Going back to the little story at the beginning of this article, the “retard” doesn’t just act retarded when his confederate is present, but also the rest of the time. That way, when his sneaky-handed friend comes around, everyone has their guard down because it’s nothing special, just the village idiot being himself again. Far as this little piggy is concerned, when one takes a cool-headed, objective look at the situation it is clear that while our orange Messiah may not be a “stable genius,” neither is he sitting on a park bench wondering what’s inside that box of chocolates. And speaking of chocolates, his buddies – both Republican and Democrat – just handed him a big box of the things by giving him greater powers to spy on American citizens…
See them chocolates right here, but no touching – they belong to Donnie and his Democratic successors.
Once upon a time, the cat tribe and the weasel tribe lived harmoniously in a great big forest. It was a very dark forest, but luckily the weasels had created a magical sun made up of a transparent glass sphere, a small cranking machine, and a lot of wishful thinking. Thanks to the magical sun machine, even on the cloudiest of days and the darkest of nights, the cats and the weasels could all go about their business without running into trees and rocks or falling into the stream, something the cats were especially unfond of.
For a long, long time everything was fine and dandy in the big, dark forest. Then a faction of radical cats rose up and said that all the weasels were bad, egregious, and downright horrible and must be driven out of the forest. “We find you offensive, unacceptable and terribly oppressive. Take your weasel selves and your weasely ways and leave our forest!”
And so the weasels, somewhat miffed at their treatment, left the forest and took their weasely ways and their magical sun machine with them. And soon the cats were stumbling around in the dark, stubbing their little kitty toesies on fallen trees and nasty rocks, tumbling into the stream on a regular basis, and cursing those awful, selfish weasels for having gone away.
As for the weasels, they found a new forest just as big and just as dark as the old one. True, they now had to make their own sandwiches, but anybody who can make a magical sun machine can certainly learn to make sandwiches! And so the weasels lived happily ever after, while the cats spent the rest of eternity groping around in the dark, wondering where the hell everything was, and cursing the weasels, their weasely tails, and their weasely ways.
Moral of story – Weasels invented the light bulb, and pretty much everything else, so get over it already.
Latest in the ongoing avalanche of accusations of sexual harassment levied at male feminists is this one in the Huffpo, in which some woman claims that Al Franken grabbed her ass – at a function honoring women in politics!
“The first woman, a 38-year-old book editor who was living in Minneapolis at the time, told HuffPost that she had just finished performing with a feminist choir ( Edit – LOL! ) at the Women’s Political Caucus event, which Franken and his wife, Franni Bryson, attended. After the ceremony, she and other members of the choir approached him for photos…”I saw him and asked if we could take a photo together for my mother, and we stood next to each other … and down his hand went.”
Now, i’m not sure how seriously we should take an accusation of sexist behavior from a woman sexist enough to be in a feminist choir, but if true this does show some very serious chutzpah on Franken’s part! Kinda like showing up at a Katy Perry concert wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt! But i’m not here to discuss why Taylor Swift is better than Katy Perry, or why the cute, girly Taylor was so much better than the Darkling Bitch Taylor. No, today’s topic is “What The Fuck Is Wrong With Male Feminists?” Why are so many of the guys being outed for sexually harassing — even sexually assaulting — women the kind of grandstanding liberals who habitually make such a big deal out of being “allies” or even straight-out feminists?
Personally, i think the answer to this is pretty simple – it’s all part of a deliberate and conscious strategy by these sexual predators. If you want to cover up your bad behavior with the cottage cheese-brained sex, what better way than to continually go on about how wonderful the little pinheads are? Most people being fairly simple creatures, they are less likely to believe claims of sexual impropriety levied against those who profess themselves champions of women’s rights than similar stories hurled at those of us who openly declare that women are just a couple of steps above chimpanzees in terms of morality and intellectual capacity. Until the Harveywood scandal blew up in everyone’s faces, a lot of liberal dullards would have thought, “Al Franken would never do such a thing, he’s a professed worshipper of women!” But when Bill O’Reilly was accused, nobody batted an eyelid because, you know, not being a screeching male feminist he must hate women. It’s a simple enough tactic, like the latent homosexual who hides his proclivities behind a steady stream of homophobic “jokes,” and until recently the post-modern liberals have been too stupid to catch on – just think of how long Bill Clinton has gotten away with his shit by kissing feminist ass at every turn. But now the jig is up. The darkness inside male feminists has seeped out into the real world, the dragons have been exposed and their White Knight façades lie crumpled on the bathroom floor, just like Harvey Weinstein’s bathrobe, and from now on even the post-modern woman will be wary of being left alone with some guy who won’t stop bleating lest he be just another compulsively wanking wolf like Louis CK or a butt-grabbing, tongue-slipping hypocrite like Franken.
So, what is a woman to do when looking for male company in these dark and dangerous times when even the creator of feminist icon Buffy the Vampire Slayer sits under a cloud, muttering about how it’s all really just the patriarchy’s fault? Well, i say it’s time you ladies sought out the self-declared misogynists, the chauvinists, the sexist Neanderthals – indeed, the Pig Men. After all, experience shows that i might tell you that your head is full of cottage cheese, but at least i won’t pin you down and fuck you against your will – it’s not like i’m a male feminist or anything!