Skip to content

Who’s the REAL retard?

Who’s the REAL retard? published on

Picture this. A middle class dude in possession of what he foolishly considers to be a good education is walking along minding his own business, when he is approached by a retarded man. The retarded chap proceeds to act like a total fool — jumping up and down, waving his arms wildly, uttering utter gibberish and so on. The middle class dude, in his smug superiority, just stands there laughing at this poor, benighted creature. Meanwhile, the poor, benighted creature’s confederate quietly sneaks his hand into our genius’ pocket, and walks away with his wallet. Now, you tell me – who’s the real retard? The guy feeling all smug and superior, or the guy who a few minutes from now will be in possession of half the contents of our “well-educated” pigeon’s wallet?

As you may have divined by now, the “retarded” man is a tall, rather overweight chap with a striking head of hair and skin bearing a hue usually found on a popular cornmeal-based snack food. Yes, folks, President Cheeto has struck again! Funny how this supposedly very stupid man never does anything stupid enough to cause himself serious damage, isn’t it? He never says, “Damn, i hate them niggers!” or “Fuck deporting the Mexicans and the Muslims, let’s just kill them all!” No. Every time this supposed mountebank puts on his big red nose it seems to be to his advantage, or at least not to any significant disadvantage! How about that? Either he’s saying something that most folks agree with – such as referring to shit-hole countries as shit-hole countries – or saying something that distracts us from what his buddies in congress are getting up to! It is never something fatally “stupid,” something that could end his political life — like deciding that the best way to cross a busy highway is with his eyes closed! I’m no Mr. Ed, but that seems a strange kind of stupidity to me…

Now, am i under the impression that President Cheeto is a genius, stable or otherwise? No, but what i do know is that while his supposedly intelligent critics were busy defending shit-holes and uploading pictures of Mr. Ed to Twitter, President Cheeto’s confederates were busy doing things that said critics would have had a big problem with – had they not been so distracted at the time. Some will argue that while feigned stupidity may be a tactic some times used by politicians, Trump’s stupidity is so often on display that, surely, it must be the genuine article! My answer to that is “No, you bunch of mouth-breathing pinheads!” First, i refer you to the above comment on how Trump never does anything fatally stupid, and secondly i must point out that this may be precisely how Trump wants you to think! If a clearly intelligent man like Obama suddenly starts acting like an idiot, the smarter observers will suspect that something is up. But if someone who has gone out of his way to establish himself as the village idiot acts really dumb, it’s just another day in Idiotville. Going back to the little story at the beginning of this article, the “retard” doesn’t just act retarded when his confederate is present, but also the rest of the time. That way, when his sneaky-handed friend comes around, everyone has their guard down because it’s nothing special, just the village idiot being himself again. Far as this little piggy is concerned, when one takes a cool-headed, objective look at the situation it is clear that while our orange Messiah may not be a “stable genius,” neither is he sitting on a park bench wondering what’s inside that box of chocolates. And speaking of chocolates, his buddies – both Republican and Democrat – just handed him a big box of the things by giving him greater powers to spy on American citizens…

See them chocolates right here, but no touching – they belong to Donnie and his Democratic successors.


SJWs! published on

They fought the leftists, they served the plutocrats,
Exiled the socialists, kissed the asses of Democrats.
They indoctrinated the kids in their universities,
Filling their heads with post-modern perversities.

They tore the reason out of academia, drove all the professors bats,
Threw away their mortar boards, replaced them with pussy hats.
And tweeted their outrage late into the night,
Virtue signaling with all their righteous might!

They redefined and redefined, then redefined some more,
Till X was Y, and none could tell the ceiling from the floor.
Till assent was dissent, and reality was thoroughly bent.
Till words were violence, till free speech was silence.
Till virtue was vice, and cats were mice.

They corrupted the judges and polluted the sports,
And were easily triggered, but only by others’ faults.
In false virtue they were clad, as they confused good with bad,
Black with white, and sanity with an unhealthy dose of mad.
They sipped their lattes, they preened their blue hair.
And if Western civilization goes to hell?
Well, it’s not as if they care!

Hollywood Liberals To Protest Trump Inauguration By Committing Mass Suicide

Hollywood Liberals To Protest Trump Inauguration By Committing Mass Suicide published on

Having finally realized that nothing short of Armageddon will stop Captain Cheeto setting up residence in the White House, Hollywood’s liberals have decided to stage one final, desperate protest by killing themselves in droves. Precisely what this is supposed to achieve is difficult to say, but i for one warmly and wholeheartedly welcome this new bout of liberal petulance.

Lady Gaga, the fascist pop singer who spent months encouraging delegates to stage a soft coup against the president-elect, plans to kill herself by combining four of her most famous attention-getting devices – she will strip naked, then cover herself in meat and walk into a giant meat grinder while singing about being a rape victim with PTSD.

Liberal icon Michael Moore has chosen a less painful, but equally effective way to go…

“I plan to inhale while standing next to a Mexican,” he told our correspondent. When asked if this was not a dreadfully racist thing to say, Moore responded, “Hey, like most liberals i love their cheap labor, but don’t get me started on their hygiene standards. Every time my housekeeper comes over i have wear a gas mask for the rest of the day!”

Actor, comedian, and all-around jerk Alec Baldwin released a statement today in which he claimed, “Nothing could be worse than living in a world ruled by that little pig Donald Trump, so i plan to commit suicide by walking into a meeting of the Black Panthers and shouting, “You niggers can all suck my white dick – just like yo mommas did!” No word on whether or not the rest of the SNL cast will be joining him.

Bruce Springsteen, a rocker once known for singing about working class woes but these days best remembered for kissing Hillary Clinton’s ass, has promised to shuffle off this mortal coil by going down to a dry river bed, drenching himself in kerosene and setting himself alight. When asked why he chose kerosene over more easily available accelerants such as petrol, Springsteen told us that he deliberately chose a slow-burning fuel so that he would have enough time to sing at least one verse of “I’m On Fire.”

Lena Dunham – a flaccid, butterfaced, butterbodied nothing of a woman who reneged on her promise to rid the U.S of her presence if Trump won – has decided to go out in the same narcissistic, self-obsessed manner in which she lived. After whining lugubriously that she refuses to live in a world ruled by someone who actually married and had a kid with “a fucking foreign whore,” Dunham told our correspondent that she will kill herself by sitting in front of a mirror and gazing steadily at her own hideous visage for thirty minutes, after which time it is expected that she will drop dead from the sheer horror of the experience. In an interesting side note, the mirror in question is a one-off made from polished titanium, regular glass mirrors being unable to withstand Dunham’s smug mug for more than five seconds.

Famous singer, withered old cadaver, and largely unwanted mother Madonna has announced that she will take herself out by finally delivering on her infamous promise to blow everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton. The event, to be held in a swimming pool and broadcast live on CNN, will feature Ms Ciccone blowing all 30 million men who voted for Clinton, and will end with 30 million simultaneous cum shots. Yes, Madonna plans to die as she lived – drowning in semen!

But Hollywood liberals aren’t the only ones seizing the day. It is expected that millions of pinheaded celebrity worshippers will be eager to follow in their idols’ footsteps and so, always looking to make a quick shekel, Starbucks has gotten in on the act by offering cyanide-filled lattes come the 20th of January. In a one time only offer, all lattes will include a “Trump Can Kiss My Dead Ass” t-shirt, and a bumper sticker reading, “How you like me now, Republican bitches?” All this for the low, low price of $750.

And the entire New York chapter of the ACLU is planning to behead themselves with scythes, in honor of their oppressed Muslim friends in ISIS. This one seems a bit tricky to me. The average liberal can barely even operate a spoon properly, how these guys will manage to commit suicide in such an awkward way is a mystery – perhaps they can fly in some ISIS members to help them. Wait, did i say ISIS members? Sorry, i meant to say Syrian refugees.

2016 — The Year The Left Disgraced Itself

2016 — The Year The Left Disgraced Itself published on


To most people, 2016 will go down as the year that a talking Cheeto somehow found his way into the Oval Office. That’s certainly a big part of how i will remember it! But to me 2016 will also go down as the year the Left – and i am including the liberals in that category, if only because that’s what everyone else is doing these days – showed itself to be totally, and perhaps irreparably, corrupted by both plutocratic influence and its own unspeakable stupidity.

First, they supported Hillary Clinton, a far-right, neo-conservative, neo-liberal, war-mongering psychopath, over Donald Trump, her obnoxious but significantly less worrisome center-right opponent. That the political “Left” and the MSM “Left” would do this is no surprise, for their true, plutocratic colors have been becoming more and more apparent since the election of Bubba D Raper back in ’92. Disgraceful – yes. New – no. What was truly shocking this year was how the grassroots Left behaved. These people, these so-called leftists and liberals, overwhelmingly sided with Little Ms Private Positions, this monstrous, child-exploding woman whom they fully knew to be a proud tool of the plutocracy. Not only did the smaller, supposedly truly leftist, news sites such as Reader Supported News side with Clinton and hence the plutocracy, but so did the “leftists” and liberals on the ground – all 65 million of them!

But then the unthinkable happened – their little tin goddess lost the election and left her followers feeling, to be kind about it, rather unhappy. And so came the tears. Not figurative tears, but literal ones. Screeching, agonized, howling-at-the-moon kind of tears. The kind of tears one expects when the neighbor’s kids see their dog squished flat by a truck right in front of them! The problem is, there is no dead dog and these are not children but, physically at least, adults. Yet not only were there tears, there were calls to suicide hotlines! Safe spaces in colleges were declared! Reality-free havens in which the distraught and terminally fragile could crawl with – quite literally – a puppy dog and a coloring book! This, then, is what the young Left has come to – a bunch of cowardly weaklings who can’t handle even life’s mosquito bites, much less its slings and arrows. Even in workplaces, members of the Pussy Generation took days off! Not for fear of being grabbed by the President Elect, but because they had to process their delicate little feels while hiding under the kitchen table and stuffing their faces with Ben And Jerry’s! Thankfully, this was not what young people were like back in the Forties, or we would all be singing Deutschland Uber Alles and wearing lederhosen! And don’t think it was just the twenty-somethings that freaked out. Alec Baldwin, major asshole and major Clinton supporter ( a common combination in the putrid halls of Hollywood ) was so distraught that he didn’t turn up for the post-election edition of SNL! Come on! What is this guy? About sixty now? And he can’t take losing an election? Such weakness is embarrassing enough in the young, but in someone brought up at a time when being so fragile was not encouraged, it is deeply shameful – especially for a man who likes to act the tough guy. Knowing Baldwin, he probably tried to console himself by phoning Trump and calling him a little pig. Heh, heh…

And then there were the protests against the result. America voted, the Left did not like the result so they decided to ignore democracy. That those paranoid and imbecilic enough to believe that the old orange guy is literally Hitler might want to publicly say, “I had nothing to do with the coming Holocaust!” is one thing. But to physically assault those who simply exercised their democratic right by voting for Trump? To riot and loot and set fire to shit? This is what the Left has come to? If it were to happen these days, kristallnacht would not be the doing of brown-shirted right wingers, it would be the doing of leftists, anarchists and crimson-haired SJWs! And the targets would not be Jews but whites and Christians. I don’t recall this shit happening when Obama won, and you know there had to be millions of really pissed off white racists that particular November. Yet all they did was to stay in their trailer parks, drinking cheap beer and complaining bitterly that President Jigaboo was about to screw them all over. They didn’t go out and beat up black folks who voted for Obama, neither did they hold mass protests. That’s what the Left has come to – it is now more thuggish than a bunch of racist Trailer Park Bubbas. Somewhere, the bones that used to be FDR are spinning wildly in their grave.

But the worst, the very worst, thing the left did this year was to openly, brazenly, and unashamedly try to overturn the results of the election by calling for the delegates who cast the electoral college votes to cast them for Clinton instead of for Trump! The excuse for this is that Clinton won the popular vote, but an excuse is all that it is. Can you imagine if it had gone the other way, if Trump had gotten the popular vote and Clinton the electoral college votes? No fucking way would fascist scum like “Lady” Gaga be calling for the presidency to be taken away from her girl Hillary! Perhaps the system does need to be changed so that the winner of the popular vote is the one who gets the world’s most dubious prize – ironically, even Trump himself has said so. But such a change needs to be carried out at a more appropriate time, not immediately after your neo-liberal idol loses, and certainly not retroactively just because you didn’t like the way things went. And doing it any other way is about as fascist as it gets. It is the kind of thing the Soviets would have approved of, the kind of thing the Nazis would have done – the kind of thing that the modern Left tries do. And don’t go thinking this was just a few radicals like Gaga and Pink and a few other brain-damaged psychopaths. No, the petition asking the delegates to betray the voters was signed by almost five million dirtbags! Five million fascist scum wanted the election, in effect, overturned. Despite this attempt at a soft coup, when December the 19th rolled ‘round not only did Captain Cheeto easily win, but Clinton actually lost more electoral college votes than he did! Only the Demoncrats could pull off such a ridiculous feat — they have become cartoon characters, a pack of hapless Wile E. Coyotes whose every attempt to squish Trump ends with them lying beneath a huge boulder!

All of these sad facts – the backing of a neo-liberal, neo-conservative candidate, the protests, the crying, the violence, the open disdain for democracy – lead me to one inevitable conclusion, namely that today’s Left is little more than a putrid pile of overgrown children who were given too many participation trophies just for showing up, PC lunatics who worry more about Bruce Jenner’s “right” to call himself a woman than they do about the homeless, neo-liberals desperate to fatten their stock portfolios and hold on to their cheap Mexican labor, and just plain, old fashioned fascist wannabes. It is a once-noble group which has somehow morphed into the villain of the piece, a group that has gone from being personified by the likes of Franklin Delano Roosevelt to being personified by the likes of Charles Montgomery Burns! It is a coalition of pinheads, lunatics and villains that can most accurately be described as reprehensible, dishonorable, contemptible and ignoble – in short, disgraceful.

Cry, Miley, Cry. Then Go Jump In A Volcano.

Cry, Miley, Cry. Then Go Jump In A Volcano. published on

My reaction to this post at The_Donald was to literally laugh out loud! Here’s Miley Cyrus literally crying about Trump’s surprise victory and going on about how Clinton has given her life to serve the American public! What a loser this kid turned out to be! She actually claims to have an open heart — which, these days, means that you back a neo-conservative child-killer. As for her open mind, she’s right about that — it must be very open, which explains why people keep shoveling shit into it. And the arrogance of offering to set that terrible, terrible man straight! He’s been alive three times longer than she has and she thinks she has something to teach him? Talk about teaching your grandfather how to suck eggs! This, boys and girls, is schadenfreude at its best…