Dear Pinheaded Liberals,
Going out on a limb, i am assuming that most of you are not evil, just really, really stupid. I am assuming that most of you dogfaces — unlike your filthy, lying Top Brass — actually care about things like freedom, equality, and so on. I am assuming that, unlike the elites you seem to love so much, you actually give a toss about the poor, the homeless, and all those A-rabs rendered lifeless by neo-con scum like W and O. This, i realize, may be a basket of unwarranted assumptions, but in dark times one has to try to look on the bright side.
So, going on the assumption that most of you are actually well-meaning fools as opposed to ill-meaning psychopaths, imagine this. Ten years from now, a certain liberal figure ( let’s call him Mr. Knucklehead Pastrami ) attends a protest against capitalist evil. Mr. Pastrami does nothing wrong, but somehow ends up arrested and charged with trying to start a riot, or littering, or spitting on the sidewalk, or wearing an unfashionable hat – whatever bullshit excuse they can find for charging him with, in essence, being anti-establishment.
How will you react to this news? You won’t. You won’t because you won’t know that it has happened. You won’t know because the State will have placed a gag order on the media. Sure, a few rebellious corners of the internet will risk arrest by mentioning it, but you, being liberals not Leftists, most likely are not frequenting those tiny, obscure websites. But, hey, who knows? Some of the major “liberal” sites like CNN might get a few stories out before the gag is put in place, right? Sure, they might – but they won’t be keeping them up once the gag is in place. Fearing prosecution and a cell next to poor old Knucklehead’s, they will simply pull those stories down and replace them with the much dreaded “404 – Freedom not found.”
As a result, all that you will know is that Mr. Pastrami has become mysteriously silent, and after a few months, distracted by the “radical, awesome and transformative” political proclamations being Tweeted by Hollywood’s phony Leftists, you will forget that poor old Knucklehead even existed. More importantly, you will soon forget all that liberal claptrap he used to spew…
This, my post-modern liberal friends, is the future that you are building when you fail to speak out against the gag order currently in place against any British reporting on the recent arrest and jailing of Far Right agitator Tommy Robinson. For now, at least, reporting will be allowed after the trial Robinson was reporting on is over, but with any luck – and you can bet this is what the bastards are counting on – by then everyone will have forgotten about Mr. Robinson and the fact that the press were gagged for weeks, even months. And that’s just the state of things as they stand. It is quite possible that we will soon see permanent gag orders placed on the arrest and jailing of political figures. Note that my concern lies mostly with the gag order. Perhaps Robinson’s arrest was justified, perhaps not. What matters here is that the British people are being kept in the dark regarding his arrest and imprisonment. And while for now it is a British problem, you are fools if you think it can’t happen in the U.S. and Europe. Even in countries where the law does not currently allow it, all that’s needed is a few changes in said law. Not hard to do in the U.S, for example, if Fox backs it for “national security reasons” and CNN backs it for the sake of “protecting minorities.”
As expected, pretty much the only people making noise about this atrocious development are the right wingers, proving once again that some sort of IQ exchange has taken place over the last few years and that it is now the right wing of politics that is not quite as dumb as a pile of bricks. Amongst the many things you liberals and pseudo-leftists have forgotten is that there is a thing called precedent. Not the legal kind, but the far more dangerous psychological kind. Once the folks have gotten accustomed to seeing such gags in place, they will be used more and more often to stop the public knowing what is happening to various enemies of the state until it is too late to do anything about it.
The other thing you latte-sipping, kale-munching types are ignoring is that an establishment run by a bunch of lily white Anglicans is highly unlikely to have any genuine concern for a bunch of brown Muslims. Hell, Britain’s establishment figures don’t even care about their fellow white Anglicans, much less about a bunch of Mohammads! But, thanks to your stupidity, they get away with pretending to care so they have your support while they manipulate you into a position somewhere between utter silence and a cold prison cell. Listen up, boys and girls – this is a key point. Make no mistake, this is ultimately NOT about silencing the right wing, it is about silencing ALL dissent, especially liberal or Leftist dissenters that dare to go outside the confines of the establishment’s beloved Identity Politics. Today it is Robinson getting the blackout treatment for opposing Islamic radicalism, tomorrow it will be YOU for daring to complain about the disappearing jobs, or cuts in welfare payments, or lack of low cost housing, or yet another mass slaughter of unsuspecting Tabouli-munchers. Your leaders will remain safe as they are about as truly liberal as a gang of Wall St bankers, and care about the poor even less than you care about the cockroaches living under your fridge. This is about YOU. This is about silencing your voices. This is about consigning your concerns to the dumpster of history. This is about making your future an authoritarian, neo-feudal hell. Hence it is incumbent on you to get off your well-fed asses and speak up about what is being done to Tommy Robinson – because tomorrow, you will be Tommy Robinson.
Here is the gag order – feel free to print it out and wipe your ass with it…
Stephen Yaksface-Lennon is Robinson’s real name, but you probably already know that.
Picture this. A middle class dude in possession of what he foolishly considers to be a good education is walking along minding his own business, when he is approached by a retarded man. The retarded chap proceeds to act like a total fool — jumping up and down, waving his arms wildly, uttering utter gibberish and so on. The middle class dude, in his smug superiority, just stands there laughing at this poor, benighted creature. Meanwhile, the poor, benighted creature’s confederate quietly sneaks his hand into our genius’ pocket, and walks away with his wallet. Now, you tell me – who’s the real retard? The guy feeling all smug and superior, or the guy who a few minutes from now will be in possession of half the contents of our “well-educated” pigeon’s wallet?
As you may have divined by now, the “retarded” man is a tall, rather overweight chap with a striking head of hair and skin bearing a hue usually found on a popular cornmeal-based snack food. Yes, folks, President Cheeto has struck again! Funny how this supposedly very stupid man never does anything stupid enough to cause himself serious damage, isn’t it? He never says, “Damn, i hate them niggers!” or “Fuck deporting the Mexicans and the Muslims, let’s just kill them all!” No. Every time this supposed mountebank puts on his big red nose it seems to be to his advantage, or at least not to any significant disadvantage! How about that? Either he’s saying something that most folks agree with – such as referring to shit-hole countries as shit-hole countries – or saying something that distracts us from what his buddies in congress are getting up to! It is never something fatally “stupid,” something that could end his political life — like deciding that the best way to cross a busy highway is with his eyes closed! I’m no Mr. Ed, but that seems a strange kind of stupidity to me…
Now, am i under the impression that President Cheeto is a genius, stable or otherwise? No, but what i do know is that while his supposedly intelligent critics were busy defending shit-holes and uploading pictures of Mr. Ed to Twitter, President Cheeto’s confederates were busy doing things that said critics would have had a big problem with – had they not been so distracted at the time. Some will argue that while feigned stupidity may be a tactic some times used by politicians, Trump’s stupidity is so often on display that, surely, it must be the genuine article! My answer to that is “No, you bunch of mouth-breathing pinheads!” First, i refer you to the above comment on how Trump never does anything fatally stupid, and secondly i must point out that this may be precisely how Trump wants you to think! If a clearly intelligent man like Obama suddenly starts acting like an idiot, the smarter observers will suspect that something is up. But if someone who has gone out of his way to establish himself as the village idiot acts really dumb, it’s just another day in Idiotville. Going back to the little story at the beginning of this article, the “retard” doesn’t just act retarded when his confederate is present, but also the rest of the time. That way, when his sneaky-handed friend comes around, everyone has their guard down because it’s nothing special, just the village idiot being himself again. Far as this little piggy is concerned, when one takes a cool-headed, objective look at the situation it is clear that while our orange Messiah may not be a “stable genius,” neither is he sitting on a park bench wondering what’s inside that box of chocolates. And speaking of chocolates, his buddies – both Republican and Democrat – just handed him a big box of the things by giving him greater powers to spy on American citizens…
See them chocolates right here, but no touching – they belong to Donnie and his Democratic successors.
They fought the leftists, they served the plutocrats,
Exiled the socialists, kissed the asses of Democrats.
They indoctrinated the kids in their universities,
Filling their heads with post-modern perversities.
They tore the reason out of academia, drove all the professors bats,
Threw away their mortar boards, replaced them with pussy hats.
And tweeted their outrage late into the night,
Virtue signaling with all their righteous might!
They redefined and redefined, then redefined some more,
Till X was Y, and none could tell the ceiling from the floor.
Till assent was dissent, and reality was thoroughly bent.
Till words were violence, till free speech was silence.
Till virtue was vice, and cats were mice.
They corrupted the judges and polluted the sports,
And were easily triggered, but only by others’ faults.
In false virtue they were clad, as they confused good with bad,
Black with white, and sanity with an unhealthy dose of mad.
They sipped their lattes, they preened their blue hair.
And if Western civilization goes to hell?
Well, it’s not as if they care!
Having finally realized that nothing short of Armageddon will stop Captain Cheeto setting up residence in the White House, Hollywood’s liberals have decided to stage one final, desperate protest by killing themselves in droves. Precisely what this is supposed to achieve is difficult to say, but i for one warmly and wholeheartedly welcome this new bout of liberal petulance.
Lady Gaga, the fascist pop singer who spent months encouraging delegates to stage a soft coup against the president-elect, plans to kill herself by combining four of her most famous attention-getting devices – she will strip naked, then cover herself in meat and walk into a giant meat grinder while singing about being a rape victim with PTSD.
Liberal icon Michael Moore has chosen a less painful, but equally effective way to go…
“I plan to inhale while standing next to a Mexican,” he told our correspondent. When asked if this was not a dreadfully racist thing to say, Moore responded, “Hey, like most liberals i love their cheap labor, but don’t get me started on their hygiene standards. Every time my housekeeper comes over i have wear a gas mask for the rest of the day!”
Actor, comedian, and all-around jerk Alec Baldwin released a statement today in which he claimed, “Nothing could be worse than living in a world ruled by that little pig Donald Trump, so i plan to commit suicide by walking into a meeting of the Black Panthers and shouting, “You niggers can all suck my white dick – just like yo mommas did!” No word on whether or not the rest of the SNL cast will be joining him.
Bruce Springsteen, a rocker once known for singing about working class woes but these days best remembered for kissing Hillary Clinton’s ass, has promised to shuffle off this mortal coil by going down to a dry river bed, drenching himself in kerosene and setting himself alight. When asked why he chose kerosene over more easily available accelerants such as petrol, Springsteen told us that he deliberately chose a slow-burning fuel so that he would have enough time to sing at least one verse of “I’m On Fire.”
Lena Dunham – a flaccid, butterfaced, butterbodied nothing of a woman who reneged on her promise to rid the U.S of her presence if Trump won – has decided to go out in the same narcissistic, self-obsessed manner in which she lived. After whining lugubriously that she refuses to live in a world ruled by someone who actually married and had a kid with “a fucking foreign whore,” Dunham told our correspondent that she will kill herself by sitting in front of a mirror and gazing steadily at her own hideous visage for thirty minutes, after which time it is expected that she will drop dead from the sheer horror of the experience. In an interesting side note, the mirror in question is a one-off made from polished titanium, regular glass mirrors being unable to withstand Dunham’s smug mug for more than five seconds.
Famous singer, withered old cadaver, and largely unwanted mother Madonna has announced that she will take herself out by finally delivering on her infamous promise to blow everyone who voted for Hillary Clinton. The event, to be held in a swimming pool and broadcast live on CNN, will feature Ms Ciccone blowing all 30 million men who voted for Clinton, and will end with 30 million simultaneous cum shots. Yes, Madonna plans to die as she lived – drowning in semen!
But Hollywood liberals aren’t the only ones seizing the day. It is expected that millions of pinheaded celebrity worshippers will be eager to follow in their idols’ footsteps and so, always looking to make a quick shekel, Starbucks has gotten in on the act by offering cyanide-filled lattes come the 20th of January. In a one time only offer, all lattes will include a “Trump Can Kiss My Dead Ass” t-shirt, and a bumper sticker reading, “How you like me now, Republican bitches?” All this for the low, low price of $750.
And the entire New York chapter of the ACLU is planning to behead themselves with scythes, in honor of their oppressed Muslim friends in ISIS. This one seems a bit tricky to me. The average liberal can barely even operate a spoon properly, how these guys will manage to commit suicide in such an awkward way is a mystery – perhaps they can fly in some ISIS members to help them. Wait, did i say ISIS members? Sorry, i meant to say Syrian refugees.