Skip to content

Four Uses For A Dead Woman

Four Uses For A Dead Woman published on

Now, we all know women aren’t good for much when they are alive, what with their tiny,
underdeveloped brains, their small pathetic muscles, and their inability to tolerate even a
paper cut without screaming for an ambulance. But what about once the poor dears
have cast off this mortal coil, kicked the bucket, bought the farm? In other words,
dropped dead?

Surely, then they must be of some use. Now, i have not spent much time with dead
women ( they are hideously boring even when alive, so i can’t imagine having to hang out with dead ones ) but it does strike me that death would bring some good uses for these otherwise useless creatures. So far, i have come up with four. Not as many as I would like, but it’s three more uses than i have for a live woman.

One : Fertilizer. Yes, that otherwise pointless carcass is just full of the sort of nutrients your roses and hydrangeas will love. Most women would provide about 150 lbs of fertilizer, which is enough to keep the average garden going for a whole year. The average North American woman could keep an entire industrial scale farm going for most of a decade. But we don’t own big farms, so the average woman will do nicely. What we must remember is that women smell even worse when they are dead than they do when they are alive, so you have to use them before they become really putrid. Within 24 hours of death is a good rule of thumb. Also, make sure to properly mulch your woman before spreading her on your garden soil, otherwise she is likely to be eaten by scavengers and family pets and this will mean all your hard work has been for nothing.

Two : Doorstops. For this purpose, small women are best so i recommend Asian ones. You certainly don’t want some 200 lb American walrus for this particular job. Your dead woman will have to be stuffed by an expert specializing in dead animals, and arranged into some sort of compact position. I recommend a sitting, fetal position, that can be achieved by wrapping the carcass in wire or string. A more exotic alternative to having your woman stuffed is to have her pickled in a large bottle, like a prize squash or something. This will make not only for an interesting conversation piece but also for a heavier and therefore more effective doorstop.

Three : Coffee Tables. Positioned on all fours, a woman of average size will provide a table high enough to be positioned in front of your sofa so you have somewhere to rest your feet and your beer while playing video games. Women have notoriously spindly limbs, so i recommend re-enforcing your woman with some 2 by 4s. Otherwise, you may find your woman collapsing at the most inopportune of moments. Taller women, such as Geena Davis and other Orc-human hybrids, can be used as dining tables but such women are hard to find, especially dead.

Four : Shark Bait. For this, you will need not only a woman but a boat, a very strong fishing pole, and an ax. The ax will be required to cut the woman into pieces manageable enough to be placed on the hook, yet large enough to look appetizing to the sharks. Arms and legs are the best bait, but the head, as in life, is pretty useless. The torso is too big for any but the largest sharks but can be chopped up into chum which can then be thrown into the water to attract the sharks.

Where to obtain your dead woman

This one is not as hard as it seems. Dead women are plentiful, especially in areas where female-specific disasters are likely to occur. Malls, for example, are often the site of female deaths brought about by some woman missing out on that pair of shoes she just had to have, jumping off the highest level, and splattering herself all over the ground. If you are quick enough, you may be able to scoop her up, put her in a wheelbarrow and run off before management calls the morgue. Another good place to find dead women is at boy band concerts. These are usually young women who have died from estrogen poisoning while screaming frantically at the latest teen idol, and they die in such large quantities that you can usually find dumpsters full of them in alleys surrounding the concert venue.

So there you have it, four uses for a dead woman, four useful things you can do with these otherwise useless little people. Just goes to show that in God’s wonderful plan every creature, no matter how lowly, has its purpose. Yes, even women.

Donald Sutherland is ashamed of being male. And white.

Donald Sutherland is ashamed of being male. And white. published on

Strangely enough, he seems quite proud to be Canadian. Go figure.

Needless to say, this Donald, unlike the other one, is a massive, massive pussy. And a total embarrassment to both his sex and race. Here’s an idea, you senile old coot — why don’t you start identifying as a black woman? Because we sure as hell don’t want you over here.

And how about Helen Mirren, hey? Who is it that, worldwide, is more privileged than a rich white male like Sutherland? Yes, it’s a rich white female like Mirren! Utter scum, this woman. It’s like a rich white man telling some black guy in the ghetto that he, the black guy, is the privileged one!

Cheeto Man Vs Psycho Granny – Who Will Win?

Cheeto Man Vs Psycho Granny – Who Will Win? published on

Hell, i don’t know! What am i, psychic?!?!?! From what i have seen of the polls it looks like Clinton is a bit ahead, though i suspect the polls are hiding a lot of Trump supporters so it could very well be Trump who wins and by quite a margin. You see, not only is there the possibility that the polls – which are part of the establishment that Trump is threatening to shit on – are downplaying Trump’s lead in an attempt to not make Demoncrats think that it’s all over and that they shouldn’t even bother to vote, but it is entirely possible that many Trump voters are telling pollsters that they are planning to vote for Clinton! Why would anyone do such a bizarre thing, you ask? What a deplorable question that is! That’s right – unlike most election cycles, it is not only the candidate that is being vilified but also his deplorable and irredeemable supporters! Under such circumstances, there is bound to be some dissembling amongst the vilified, partly for purely psychological reasons but also for more practical reasons such as being afraid the pollster will tell your blue-tinted neighbors that you are a Nazi and that you will end up at the wrong end of a baseball bat! Based on all this, i hope it will be Trump who gets in, if only by a narrow margin. That’s barring the kind of fraud that the so-called left takes seriously when they are the ones making the claim, but which they dismiss as mere conspiracy theory when it’s the other guy that’s worried his vote may end up in a digital landfill somewhere.

So, what will happen if one or the other wins?

First, let me wipe my ass by getting Hillary Clinton out of the way. If Clinton wins, we are almost certainly in for a couple more endless (and endlessly profitable) wars in those countries that practice the so-called religion of peace. Now, i don’t want the West flooded with Muslim savages, but neither do i want psychopathic neo-cons going around blowing said savages and their kiddies to Kingdom Come. This is something that many “leftists” fail to grasp – just because you don’t want the smelly, crazy, homeless man down the street sleeping on your couch does not mean that you want him dead!

A Clinton presidency will also mean the continuation of the twin evils of neo-liberalism and globalization. As she told some of the puppet masters, a huge market with open borders is the kind of thing that gets her otherwise dried up blood really flowing. Count on the TPP being passed, count on millions of illegal immigrants willing to work for peanuts being given amnesty, count on more poverty, count on more unemployment, and count on more misery.

But the worst thing about Clinton is the possibility that she will start a direct or indirect war with The Big Angry Bear What Has Nukes! Wouldn’t that be wonderful, boys and girls? A full-on war between the world’s two great nuclear powers! The Amerikans and the Russians get vaporized, and the rest of the world gets to die slowly from radiation poisoning – how’s that for making your mark on history, Granny? But that, i hope, is the worst case scenario and only an outside possibility…

From a men’s rights perspective, a Clinton presidency won’t mean quite the
holocaust so many MRAs seem to fear. While Clinton getting into the WH will embolden a lot of feminists, there won’t be that much practical change. There can’t be, as Clinton herself has made it clear that she is talking shit whenever she addresses the feminist part of her constituency. If you don’t believe me, check out the Wikileaks bit where she tells the puppet masters that the US does not need any new laws to give women “equal pay,” as they already have such laws! She might make the penal system even easier on women, but even that seems unlikely – the corporate sector makes too much money out of their convict slaves. She could, of course, just replace those female cons by locking up more males, which would be in keeping with her style. But other than that i can’t see much happening. Probably the biggest effect will be a psychological one – more female sexism, more girl power crap, more articles and books about how wonderful women are and so on. But much of this will be countered by the fact that Trump getting the nomination and almost winning the WH will embolden a lot of us “deplorables.” Contrary to the pseudo-left’s wishes, the anti-PC, anti-plutocratic crusade begun by Cheeto Man is not about to go away any time soon. Most of us irredeemable types will feel down for a couple of days, drown our sorrows in beer and video games, and then set about trying to finish the revolution Trump has started knowing that this time we almost did it — next time, the establishment may not be so lucky. Next time, just enough people may ignore the one-sided MSM to get us the “deplorable” president the world deserves. On the other hand, if the fall of trump is allowed to happen, any other outsider – left, right or both – might never stand a chance. The all-out assault by all elements of the establishment on someone who poses an actual threat to the dominant order, if allowed to succeed, will set a precedent that will haunt Amerika for decades to come. Sure, they probably won’t be as vicious as they have been with the obnoxious Trump, but they will be just as dishonest and just as biased. When a nice, civil outsider comes along, you can guarantee that they will be portrayed as soft-spoken yet dangerous lunatics ( the establishment came pretty close to doing this with Bernie Sanders ) and that such attacks will be more numerous unless said outsider, like Trump, has a shit-load of well paid lawyers just dying to sue. I say this with no hyperbole — the fall of Trump may very well be the fall of all hope for meaningful reform in the United States Of Wall Street.

As for me personally, a Clinton victory will mean i get to spend the next four to eight years attacking all those dirtbag celebs and moronic liberals who voted for the TPP and the endless wars. Hey, it’s not much, but in a world this corrupt and insane, it’s all that we, the sane minority, have left! If nothing else, a Clinton presidency will be great for those of us who love a good internet fight. Unless Hillary Clinton starts a war with Russia, in which case we may all be vaporized before we can even get to our keyboards…

And what happens if Trump wins? Well, unless Trump is an even more egregious liar than his opponent – chances are that he isn’t, since, given how much the elites hate him, he probably isn’t going around telling the folks one thing in public then telling Wall St another in private – both neo-liberalism and neo-conservatism will take a well-deserved kick to the teeth. Hopefully the TPP will be pelted with Molotov cocktails and go down in flames, the neo-conservatives will be handed over to ISIS, and the US will go back to trying to take over the world the old fashioned way – by using McDonald’s and Hollywood rather than the Marines and Lockheed Martin. That alone would be a great improvement on the last fifteen years, especially for those who prefer their sand yellow, not red.

And will Trump build the much-vaunted Wall? Frankly, i doubt it. I expect him to crack down on migration – he pretty much has to unless he wants to be one of those one-term losers – but i suspect his wall will be a figurative one. Beyond that, who the hell can say what he’s going to do? Trump is certainly not going to make America great again, at least not from the working class perspective, as those days depended on lots of jobs – jobs that are being taken not only by illegals but also by machines that can’t be sent back over the border. But he probably won’t make it any worse than it is, which is what Clinton is certain to do with the TPP and whatever other hideous rabbit she is planning on pulling out of her hat. And could Trump be some sort of secret leftist? Could he be, as some conservatives have said all along, a RINO? Could he even be the re-incarnation of Uncle Karl? I doubt it. Leftist plutocrats are few and far between. A less evil plutocrat, that’s one thing – an angelic plutocrat is quite another. He’s probably more liberal than most people realize, and certainly less right wing than Clinton – though obviously also far less politically correct – but a full-on leftist i don’t expect him to be. Maybe some sort of third way guy that throws strict ideology out the window and combines what is good about the old-time left and what little is good about the right. And if Trump does establish this third way and it actually makes people’s lives better, maybe it will spread to the rest of the world and deal the neo-liberals an even greater blow. We can only hope.

A less tangible effect of a Trump win will be a huge surge in “deplorable” attitudes. Like it or not, in a weird, psycho-social sort of way, many people will feel that if the president says it’s cool, then it must be cool. This will hopefully lead to a wave of anti-PC attitudes which, hopefully, will finally destroy this great evil. Make no mistake, PC has little to do with helping the oppressed and everything to do with causing division amongst the lower classes through unjustified accusations of sexism, racism etc. Hell, just the other day some PC twit on Reddit accused me of being racist for shortening Pakistanis to Pakis! And this was in regard to a post in which i attacked Clinton for using drones to blow up – you guessed it – Pakistanis! Racism? If it is, i ain’t doin’ it right! The other use for PC is to hide the neo-liberal, neo-conservative nature of the Demoncrats and their elite supporters. They must be cool, right? Because, even though they want to send jobs overseas and blow up as many foreign Muslims as they can find, at least they aren’t calling Caitlyn Jenner any nasty names!

Also on the less tangible side of things, a Trump victory would be a huge psychological victory for the lower classes – Trump may be rich, but he’s still, somehow, perceived as lower-class. It’s weird as hell, but this billionaire is seen as less upper-class than his multi-millionaire foe! That’s because, as Old Money will tell you, there’s more to being upper-class than having a lot of shekels. For all his wealth, Trump is too tasteless, too tacky, too crass, to be truly one of the aristocracy. He is, in essence, LBJ with a fuck-load of money pouring out of his bunghole! And just like LBJ, he probably has more than one velvet painting of Elvis in his bathroom and everyone knows it! So, ironically, this filthy rich version of Trailer Park Bubba getting into the white house would make a lot of ordinary folks feel that they too may some day end up in a position of power. And as long as the Bubbas in question aren’t psychos like Clinton’s Bubba or retards like George W, that’s fine by me.

But what if all the doomsayers are correct? What if the old guy really is batshit crazy and decides to nuke Mexico because there were bugs in his burrito? What if he is actually the King Of The Lizard People? What if he is literally Hitler? What if, as one Christian Never-Trumper once told me, he is literally the Antichrist? What if underneath all that orange-hued, inarticulate goofiness lies not a mere doofus but someone who will bring all of existence to a screaming, blood-drenched end? Obviously, to anyone except the kind of retard who dominates the pseudo-left, all this is pretty far fetched. I guess it’s not totally impossible that he’s literally nuts, but there is no actual evidence that he is going to be anything as nightmarish as his haters would like him to be. And see, that’s the thing – Trump may turn out to be evil, but Clinton is certain to be evil because that’s what her record shows her to be! This is a woman who votes for unjustified wars, helps to blow up Paki children with Obama’s drones, laughs maniacally at the (admittedly well-deserved ) death of that Lybian dirtbag, and admits to her plutocratic masters that her private views are different to her public ones! The choice is stark, but obvious – who do you want babysitting your kids? The confirmed serial killer, or someone who may or may not be a serial killer? It’s not a pretty choice, but neither is it a very hard one to make.

Hillary Clinton To Name Bill Clinton As Rapist In Chief

Hillary Clinton To Name Bill Clinton As Rapist In Chief published on

 

The presidential hopeful today announced that, if she wins the presidency, her husband will be given the post of Rapist In Chief as well as several thousand bottles of Viagra.

The surprise announcement comes in the wake of revelations by various anti-feminist groups that the much cited figure that one in three college women are raped is fictional, and that the real figure is closer to one in fifty. Said the former Secretary of State…

“As a woman, it concerns me that so few young women are being raped in our colleges. It is a woman’s God given right to be raped, and if today’s young men are not up to the job, my husband is just the guy to step into the breach. So to speak. As the whole world knows, Bill is quite the expert when it comes to rape and sexual assault – just ask Juanita Broaddrick. Or Obama’s pet dog, for that matter!”

When asked how he felt about the promised appointment, President Clinton, whose right hand seemed to be doing the Lambada in his pocket, spat out some tobacco juice and yelled lustily…

“Yeehar, ahm gonna grab me some pussy!”

Words That Girlz Think Are, Like, Gross And Yucky And Stuff

Words That Girlz Think Are, Like, Gross And Yucky And Stuff published on

 

In another fine example of the unholy union between feminism and the plutocracy, some bossy, bitchy drama queens at Kellog’s have gone out of their way to ask British girls aged 16 to 24 which words they feel undermine their “strength as a female” and which they would like to actually ban from the English language! Yes, because what the world really needs is kids with little to no knowledge of the world telling the adults what words they should and should not be able to use.

According to the survey, which is part of a Special K advertising effort, young girls these days become hysterical and hormonal whenever someone uses words like “bossy” in their sacred presence. Said one precious young flower…

“Every time people call me a ball-breaker i feel really bad about myself because it suggests that breaking men’s balls is somehow a bad thing and it, like, you know, makes me feel guilty about breaking so many balls.”

According to some highly strung, over the hill haddock called Nicola Roberts…

“It is a strange thing that in a modern society we still have room for language that holds strong women back,”

…she said while weeping into her cheesecake. And it is indeed strange – strange that strong women would be held back by mere language. But then, i suspect that in typical feminist fashion our stale chicky-babe has a definition of strength that includes being a weak-minded pussy who can’t tolerate any degree of resistance and who hides under the table every time there is a thunder storm.

The survey also revealed that today’s high maintenance princesses would like instead to be described with bright, shiny adjectives such as “confident” and “courageous.” You will notice that the feisty young things do not state that they would like to be confident and courageous, only that they would like to be described that way. The former, you see, would entail the kind of hard work that today’s girls feel is beneath them — what they want is to be labeled Wonder Woman while acting more like Scooby Doo! Yes, i just compared today’s girls to a cowardly, cartoon dog. But that’s cool, because today’s manipulative young bitches don’t include “dog” or “bitch” on their list of words that should be banned by Big Sister. I also noticed that, funnily enough, these kiddies don’t seem to object to words like “cunt,” hence it must be okay to call the UK’s women “cunts.” Fancy that, when i finally get my OBE i can say to the Queen, “Thanks very much, your cunty majesty!”

More hormonal hysteria here.