We all know the popular media driven view of female sexuality – romantic candlelit dinners in a cozy little restaurant where the floor show consists of Harry Connick Jr singing “My Mammy” while doing his Michael Jackson impression. However, a few years ago the land that inflicted Celine Dion and Bryan Addams on the rest of the world gave us a study by a Psych Professor named Meredith Chivers that finally answered Freud’s famous question about what women want, and what they want is some hot monkey sex.
In 2005, as part of what seems like a very weird choice of vocation, Chivers took a bunch of test subjects, sat them down in front of a computer screen, hooked them up to devices that measured their sexual responses (plethysmographs — the male version of which measures swelling in the penis, the female equivalent being a plastic probe that measures vaginal blood flow), then showed them a wide array of porn, not only straight, gay and lesbian but also mating footage of a species of Chimpanzee!
The gist of the outcome was that on average; straight men were turned on by straight porn, and not surprisingly, lesbian porn, and gay men were turned on only by gay porn. Where it got weird was with the gals, with both the straight and gay women reacting in a positive manner to well, everything- straight porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, and God help us all, the monkey porn! Not only that, but they got a stronger vaginal response from watching the monkey porn than they did from images of a good looking man!
The other interesting aspect was that the subjects were given keypads on which to rate their subjective feeling of arousal, and whereas the men admitted to what turned them on, both the straight and lesbian women didn’t, claiming that only porn fitting into their declared preference did it for them! Alas, ladies the plethysmographs showed otherwise…
Presumably this doesn’t mean women want to hump monkeys, but it does suggest that either they really don’t know what the hell they want, or that when it comes to sexual desires at least, women lie more than men! So the next time some chick gives you the spiel about candlelit dinners just remember that what she really wants you to do is show her some monkey porn, even if she doesn’t know it – or admit it!