Posts tagged Marriage Sucks
Marriage – It’s Worse Than Jail! And Death!
It’s official, a man is now better off in a concrete dungeon or in a cold, cold grave than in a marriage.
The prosecution’s first exhibit is Italian man Santo Gambino. Gambino spent some time in the lockup for illegally dumping garbage, then was sentenced to finish his term under house arrest, which for most men would be seen as a welcome development. Unfortunately for Santo, the house in question was his own, the one containing his screeching virago of a wife who proceeded to make his life hell with her constant “nagging”, which of course is just a word used to whitewash verbal and psychological abuse when it’s being committed by a spouse of the female persuasion.
This grotesque situation led Santo to the conclusion that the Mafiosi and murderers he was previously bunking with were far nicer folks than his metaphorical ball and chain, so it wasn’t long before the beleaguered husband turned up at the local Police Station asking to be put back in stir rather than have to spend another minute with that blasted woman! Unfortunately for Santo, not only did the authorities refuse his request but they also charged him with breaking his house arrest so he’ll probably have his sentence increased – that’s right, more time locked in the marital cage with a ranting, raving, foaming Italian harpy. Poor bastard. Looks like Santo dumped the wrong load of garbage…
Our second exhibit comes to us from China, where a lorry driver known only as Zhou decided that a watery grave was preferable to another day with the constant “nagging” of his lesser half. During a ferry trip on the Yangtze River, the ship’s crew were surprised to see a man running out of his cabin, covering his ears and loudly exclaiming the Chinese equivalent of “I can’t take any more of her shit!”
While crew members were trying to figure out what could cause such unusual behavior, the demoness in question rose up from the Ninth Circle of Hell, fangs dripping, arms akimbo and bat wings flapping, and proceeded to further berate the poor bloke, who again covered his ears, screamed “I need a break from all this crap!” and jumped into the raging river. Much to everyone’s surprise, and probably to Zhou’s chagrin, the tough bastard survived the raging waters, swimming 2 kilometers to the shore.
When found, Zhou described his time in the raging river this way…
“I felt I was dying, but even that’s better than my wife’s nagging.”
On a more serious note, both of these occurrences seem fairly clear cases of verbal/psychological spousal abuse, but since the victims are men, it’s all just good fun. Imagine if some woman was so upset by her husband’s verbal attacks that she preferred to be in jail or in a raging river – would we be laughing? I doubt it.
Giant Herbivores Terrorize Japanese
Japan is freaking out over an emerging new social class derogatorily dubbed “grass eating boys” because they want a quiet peaceful life, like cows in a field i guess.
According to this slate article, Japanese research shows that “60 percent of men in their early 20s and at least 42 percent of men aged 23 to 34 consider themselves grass-eating men.”
Yes, many young Japanese men are starting to see the downside of being society’s beasts of burden and have instead decided to drop out of the rat race, stop pursuing women and stick to peaceful pursuits like gardening and playing video games. Perhaps young Japanese men have simply seen too many of their fathers and uncles dive off skyscrapers or die from ulcers and have realized what some western males realize too late, that achievement and status are twin piles of shit used to bully men into doing exactly what society wants them to do, which is to serve others.
If Japan is so concerned about its grass eaters it should try treating its men as human beings instead of as a bunch of coolies whose sole purpose is to work themselves to death to buy garbage they don’t need and support families they don’t want.
I see no real negatives in this new social trend. The grass eaters get to have easy non-competitive lives, and the men who still want to work like bullocks have less competition, have greater choice when it comes to women, and hopefully their society will appreciate their hard work all the more for its rarity. In brief, I applaud these cud chewing, sandal wearing goldfish tenders and urge Western men to follow in their footsteps.
The Slate article has more weirdness to say about Japanese women than men, though. Apparently there’s a whole genre of gay male stuff for, er women! That’s right, young Japanese women are turned on by male homosexuality – no wonder their men would rather eat grass.