Funnily enough, I wasn’t going to bother writing about this one as I had already had my five cents at the “men’s rights” subreddit but they removed the post for “being stupid” so I had to bring it here. I really don’t know what’s up with those schmucks. Either there is a personal grudge against myself or swines in general or they are just dumbasses. Think about it. My submission gets removed because it doesn’t see a slap on the ass as sexual assault, while this submission in which some morons approve of a judge who gave a confessed rapist a lenient sentence remains in place. Curious.

Anyway, this one isn’t quite as egregious as complaints about wrist size or statues but it’s still good for the kind of laugh to be expected from the Guardian of Female Privilege. While (presumably) rending her garments and gnashing her teeth, some hysterical woman at the aforementioned rag screeches that last Saturday she was sexually assaulted while on her bike.

Seems that while she was basking in the glory of some pointless achievement like having biked up a hill or something, some dickhead comes along and commits against this poor woman what is no doubt the most hideous sexual assault in the history of sexual assaults. Sensitive chap that I am I can barely bring myself to write this, but he…he…oh, god…he… he slapped her on the ass! Oh, the horror! The sheer, unspeakable horror of it all!

Anyway, there is no doubt that he shouldn’t have done what he done, and he should probably be charged with putting her at risk of falling off her bike and further damaging her brain. But sexual assault? The kind that left her “totally humiliated” and even crying? Rubbish. Only by the broadest and most feminist of definitions is this a sexual assault, even if the law itself has, in some jurisdictions, adopted the feminist definition. As for the level of distress shown at the “sexual” aspect of this incident, is this woman exaggerating or is she just the world’s most easily traumatized woman? I hope to hell she isn’t on Twitter, the poor cow will end up with a bad case of PTSD! Now, is this woman a feminist? Or just a wimp? I suspect it is the former…

“Who are these people who think it’s fun to degrade a woman as she rides her bike? Do they get a sexual thrill from their leather glove whacking a Lycra-clad backside? Or is it just about asserting power? I bet the bikers had a right old laugh about it when they stopped at the pub for lunch, the odious morons.”

Yes, pretty much a feminist interpretation of the events. Degrading women. Asserting power – she might as well have screamed misogyny. Notice also the way that she supposes that the other bikers would side with the perpetrator. Well, of course they would – that’s just the way the menz is. It probably doesn’t even cross her mind that they may have told him, “Mate, that was fucking stupid! She could have fallen off and been hurt!” No, boys will be boys. Right, madam?

And this horrible event didn’t blow over either. A couple of days later she was “still fuming” and went to the cops! She refers to the perp as a pervert, so I can only assume that what she is still upset about is the “sexual” aspect, not the fact that she could have broken some bones. That’s what she should be doing – complaining about the danger involved, not spreading a definition of sexual assault so broad that half the men ( and probably a quarter of the women) in the world would be in jail if she had her way. Probably doesn’t hurt that the entire article feeds into the ongoing tactic of portraying women as delicate victims upon whom should be heaped ever-growing amounts of privilege. But then, what can we expect from a woman who admits to being part of a women’s-only bike club?

If a distressing new ad is anything to go by, thousands of Russian women are being killed every year in acts of “domestic violence caused by trifles!” I can only assume that these poor women are sitting around minding their own business when suddenly a trifle pounces on them and kills them, presumably by giving them an instant and deadly case of diabetes!

Precisely why a usually harmless dessert should suddenly go on a country wide misogynistic rampage is anyone’s guess. Perhaps these delicious killers have spent too much time in front of the internet absorbing the West’s rampant culture of misogyny, or maybe they have just gotten sick of being devoured by badly made-up heifers and this is the only way they could strike back…

Whatever the cause, I am sure we all agree that T.I.D.V (Trifle-Induced Domestic Violence) is a serious issue that needs to be tackled, whether the victim is female or male, adult or child. Why the non-woman victims of this spate of murders are not mentioned in the ad I don’t know, it’s almost as if the authorities are upset only when women are killed by trifles – men and children, not so much.

 The other way to take this is that some male dirtbags are killing women for making them trifles which are substandard in some way – not enough Vodka soaked into the cake, perhaps – but this seems too ludicrous and unlikely an idea to even entertain.