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Rapist On The Loose!

Rapist On The Loose! published on

In what can only be taken as yet another indication of the insanity running rampant in Amerikan universities, feminists at Wellesley have set up a petition to get rid of the gentleman on the left. Seems that they find the rather slightly built man in question to be posing a sexual threat of some kind. The man, a Mr. Rapey McRaperson, who suffers from a severe form of somnambulism, has recently taken up residence on campus and his intimidating patriarchal presence is freaking out some of the campus feminists. According to a Lauren Walsh, who penned the petition demanding that Mr. McRaperson be expelled from campus, poor old Rapey has…

” …become a source of apprehension, fear, and triggering thoughts regarding sexual assault for many members of our campus community…”

When I contacted Ms Walsh to inform her that Mr. McRaperson was not an actual man but a cunningly realistic depiction of one, Ms. Walsh responded with…

“Well, of course he’s a statue now! I’m not stupid, you know! But what if he comes to life and starts raping everyone? Hey? What do you say to that, Mr. Man? Not as clever as you think you are, are you?”

Of course not – I didn’t go to Wellesley.

Backing up Walsh is Zoe Magid, who is also involved with the petition and who was very disheartened when the woman in charge of things was insensitive enough to say, in effect, “Lighten up, it’s just a statue for fuck’s sake!” Ms Magid had this to say about the boss-woman’s callousness…

“We were really disappointed that she seemed to articulate that she was glad it was starting discussion, but didn’t respond to the fact that it’s making students on campus feel unsafe, which is not appropriate. We really feel that if a piece of art makes students feel unsafe, that steps over a line. Furthermore, the kettle in the student lounge has recently been giving me lecherous looks. What does she intend to do about that?”

Feeling unsafe. Because of a statue. I wonder what such a woman does when she goes out to buy a dress? Put on a blindfold and have herself led around by the hand lest she accidentally behold a male mannequin and run screaming into the streets?

Also hell-bent on evicting Mr. McRaperson is the ironically named Annie Wang, who no doubt wants to make sure she is the only Wang at Wellesley…

“I think art’s intention is to confront, but not assault, and people can see this as assaulting,”

… Wang whined woefully.

As for being assaulted by a statue, I know some women have pretty weird sexual fantasies but this is a new one on me. Ms Wang also told us that she is really looking forward to next week’s campus showing of 2001: A Space Odyssey, adding that she was really sorry she missed it the last time it was on the History Channel.

So far, the petition has been signed by almost 400 people, most of whom are no doubt currently outpatients at some psychiatric clinic or other. The lone exception amongst this cabal of pinheads is my manager Michael, who couldn’t resist signing just so he could get some snark in…

“I am shocked and horrified that in this day and age vulnerable young women are still subjected to such rampant misogyny. I weep for this woman-hating world of ours and would like to apologize on behalf of my sex for any harm done by this latest salvo in the war on women.”

More Twilight Zone here.