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A Minor Run-in With Some Thugs In Blue

A Minor Run-in With Some Thugs In Blue published on

A Guest Post By My Manager, Michael Claymore.

I should point out that this is an edited version of a piece i have uploaded to various sites and cloud storage services. In the full piece, i mention the main officer’s full name as well as the locality of the store. This is done in case the thugs in question decide to escalate things and i end up in a hamburger somewhere. As for outing them publicly, Australia has some ridiculously tough defamation laws so i ain’t gonna. Also, the thugs in question know where i live. And they have guns. And i don’t. Heh.

I should also point out that no fists or bullets flew. This is an example of the kind of shit that cops pull on citizens every day, yet which never makes it onto YouTube because it is just not juicy enough.

So, i’m at a certain Coles store somewhere in Sydney. I come out, and am stopped by five cops in plain clothes. Seems someone claimed i stole something from Coles. Bad handling of a delicate situation by the assholes at Coles, especially given that the box i was seen putting in my bag was a box that i had brought in with me. Ooops, someone apparently has shit for brains. Anyway, the Stormtroopers of the Plutocracy interviewed me, searched me, found i had stolen a very large amount of nothing, and let me go, though not without some ill-feeling.

Unlike the one other time i have been stopped and questioned by the cops – for taking a walk late at night in my own neighborhood – this situation was not so civil. First, there was the sheer number of cops – five, from what i could see. Why so many cops are necessary to talk to one un-armed man accused of a non-violent crime i do not know – from what i have seen on the streets, usually it’s just two, so i can only guess that they were trying to be as intimidating as possible. Now, while i probably shouldn’t have called the shockingly fresh-faced thugs the “High School Squad,” this is what happens when someone with a tendency to handle conflict with humor is confronted by half a dozen armed young men. And call me crazy, but if one of these peach-fuzzed young thugs found himself surrounded by half a dozen armed bikies – especially if he himself was not in possession of a gun – he probably wouldn’t have gotten sarcastic, he would just have shit himself. Now here’s the thing. While the guy in charge, a bloke who claims to be a Constable X. ( i say “claims to be” because he showed me no ID with his name on it, just flashed a badge that could have come out of a Corn Flakes packet, for all i know ) was fairly civilized about things (that’s civilized for a cop, not for a normal human being) at least one of the younger cops called me a dickhead and a slob behind my back! It’s better than being shot while trying to pull your pants up, but is this really the kind of young man that we want becoming a police officer? Someone who tries to escalate rather than de-escalate the situation by openly insulting and taunting a civilian? I don’t think so. As he was not standing in front of me, i cannot say who the guilty party was, but he clearly does not belong on the force. I suspect that if he does stay on the force, he will one day make the front pages for all the wrong reasons. Like an Australian version of this guy…

Mitch Brailsford – Mesa P.D’s Cop of the Year
Mitch Brailsford – Mesa P.D’s Cop of the Year

Thanks to the way that cops regularly get away with cold-blooded murder – believe me, we have plenty of our own Mitch Brailsfords down here in Wombatland – my opinion of them was not high to begin with. Now it is even lower. Seems to me that partly by turning up in such unreasonably large numbers, and partly through verbal abuse, they were trying to provoke a situation in which they hoped i might freak out and do something “justifying” use of force. And here’s the main thing. Everyone always says “Oh, it’s a minority of bad apples!” But i didn’t see the guy in charge tell his underling to stop calling me a dickhead! No, he just turned the other way and is therefore complicit in the other cop’s behavior. Like it or not, this is probably how things go with much more serious cases of police misbehavior. One guy does the shooting, the others pretend it did not happen. This is why you hardly ever see a case where a cop outs another cop for brutality – it is always a citizen, usually one with a camera. And for every case where there is a member of the public with a camera, there are at least several that happen in dark alleys or deserted houses, in which someone gets shot dead by a trigger-happy psychopath in blue, and then gets a gun planted on his bullet-riddled corpse. Now, i have no way of knowing for certain if the cops who tried to turn this minor situation into something bigger are looking to fill citizens full of tax-payer-funded lead, but i am nonetheless pretty glad this all went down in front of dozens of witnesses.

I should also point out that they saw the hard drive and flash drive that i use to back up my drawings and writings and implied they might be full of child pornography! More of that typical combination of provocation, contempt and intimidation, you see. This grotesque thing was implied when one of the underlings asked Constable X, “You know what i’m thinking?” Yeah, Mr. Stormtrooper, we all know what you are thinking. One of them also asked if i was on a CPR, which according to Google stands for “Child Protection Register,” which is apparently a register for “persons convicted of a nominated violent or sexual offence against a child.” In other words, they question a guy who doesn’t properly respect their authoritah…

cartman aka your typical cop

…and immediately suggest he is a fucking pedophile! Of course, since i wasn’t on the register they gave me everything back and – for now at least – my fetish for black women with inordinately large breasts remains a secret known only to myself and a few black women with inordinately large breasts. Now that i think about it, for all i know they cloned the drives behind my back and are now busy planting photos of disemboweled kittens all over said clones! As with the numbers and the swearing, this roundabout way of calling me a pedo also seems like an attempt to escalate the situation. After all, what are the chances that actual pedos are walking around malls with drives full of kiddy porn? The chances are very small, but a cop looking for trouble will grasp at anything – i should perhaps consider myself lucky that they didn’t shoot me dead for wearing the wrong brand of sneakers.

Like i suggested at the start, i ain’t Daniel Shaver, i am at the other end of the continuum – you know, the end that can still breathe – but this sad little incident does give us a glimpse of the shit that so many everyday folks have to put up with from the bully boys with the licenses to kill. For me, this is the first time i ran into a pig who acted like a real swine, but there are ‘hoods where such behavior is an almost daily occurrence. Places where people – mostly males, and many of them in possession of too much melanin – get harassed, humiliated, and provoked so regularly that when one of the piggies gets a bullet upside the head from the friendly neighborhood drug lord, all the folks can do is cheer. It may not be pretty to see such actions cheered – especially when it’s not usually one of the deadlier pigs getting slaughtered – but i can sure as fuck see where the anger comes from. As for me, i ain’t about to go postal over such a minor incident, but the next time i see a cop surrounded by thugs from one of the rival gangs, i will just keep a-walkin’. Hell, i won’t even waste my money calling him an ambulance.

Michael Claymore
The Pigman’s Manager and, apparently, a dangerous criminal.
Sydney, Australia
21 December, 2017

The Cats, The Weasels, And The Magical Sun

The Cats, The Weasels, And The Magical Sun published on

Once upon a time, the cat tribe and the weasel tribe lived harmoniously in a great big forest. It was a very dark forest, but luckily the weasels had created a magical sun made up of a transparent glass sphere, a small cranking machine, and a lot of wishful thinking. Thanks to the magical sun machine, even on the cloudiest of days and the darkest of nights, the cats and the weasels could all go about their business without running into trees and rocks or falling into the stream, something the cats were especially unfond of.

For a long, long time everything was fine and dandy in the big, dark forest. Then a faction of radical cats rose up and said that all the weasels were bad, egregious, and downright horrible and must be driven out of the forest. “We find you offensive, unacceptable and terribly oppressive. Take your weasel selves and your weasely ways and leave our forest!”

And so the weasels, somewhat miffed at their treatment, left the forest and took their weasely ways and their magical sun machine with them. And soon the cats were stumbling around in the dark, stubbing their little kitty toesies on fallen trees and nasty rocks, tumbling into the stream on a regular basis, and cursing those awful, selfish weasels for having gone away.

As for the weasels, they found a new forest just as big and just as dark as the old one. True, they now had to make their own sandwiches, but anybody who can make a magical sun machine can certainly learn to make sandwiches! And so the weasels lived happily ever after, while the cats spent the rest of eternity groping around in the dark, wondering where the hell everything was, and cursing the weasels, their weasely tails, and their weasely ways.

Moral of story – Weasels invented the light bulb, and pretty much everything else, so get over it already.

“Behold! I honor your ass!”

“Behold! I honor your ass!” published on

Latest in the ongoing avalanche of accusations of sexual harassment levied at male feminists is this one in the Huffpo, in which some woman claims that Al Franken grabbed her ass – at a function honoring women in politics!

“The first woman, a 38-year-old book editor who was living in Minneapolis at the time, told HuffPost that she had just finished performing with a feminist choir ( Edit – LOL! ) at the Women’s Political Caucus event, which Franken and his wife, Franni Bryson, attended. After the ceremony, she and other members of the choir approached him for photos…”I saw him and asked if we could take a photo together for my mother, and we stood next to each other … and down his hand went.”

al franken on the campaign trail
Al Franken, seen here worshiping The Sacred Feminine.

Now, i’m not sure how seriously we should take an accusation of sexist behavior from a woman sexist enough to be in a feminist choir, but if true this does show some very serious chutzpah on Franken’s part! Kinda like showing up at a Katy Perry concert wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt! But i’m not here to discuss why Taylor Swift is better than Katy Perry, or why the cute, girly Taylor was so much better than the Darkling Bitch Taylor. No, today’s topic is “What The Fuck Is Wrong With Male Feminists?” Why are so many of the guys being outed for sexually harassing — even sexually assaulting — women the kind of grandstanding liberals who habitually make such a big deal out of being “allies” or even straight-out feminists?

Personally, i think the answer to this is pretty simple – it’s all part of a deliberate and conscious strategy by these sexual predators. If you want to cover up your bad behavior with the cottage cheese-brained sex, what better way than to continually go on about how wonderful the little pinheads are? Most people being fairly simple creatures, they are less likely to believe claims of sexual impropriety levied against those who profess themselves champions of women’s rights than similar stories hurled at those of us who openly declare that women are just a couple of steps above chimpanzees in terms of morality and intellectual capacity. Until the Harveywood scandal blew up in everyone’s faces, a lot of liberal dullards would have thought, “Al Franken would never do such a thing, he’s a professed worshipper of women!” But when Bill O’Reilly was accused, nobody batted an eyelid because, you know, not being a screeching male feminist he must hate women. It’s a simple enough tactic, like the latent homosexual who hides his proclivities behind a steady stream of homophobic “jokes,” and until recently the post-modern liberals have been too stupid to catch on – just think of how long Bill Clinton has gotten away with his shit by kissing feminist ass at every turn. But now the jig is up. The darkness inside male feminists has seeped out into the real world, the dragons have been exposed and their White Knight façades lie crumpled on the bathroom floor, just like Harvey Weinstein’s bathrobe, and from now on even the post-modern woman will be wary of being left alone with some guy who won’t stop bleating lest he be just another compulsively wanking wolf like Louis CK or a butt-grabbing, tongue-slipping hypocrite like Franken.

So, what is a woman to do when looking for male company in these dark and dangerous times when even the creator of feminist icon Buffy the Vampire Slayer sits under a cloud, muttering about how it’s all really just the patriarchy’s fault? Well, i say it’s time you ladies sought out the self-declared misogynists, the chauvinists, the sexist Neanderthals – indeed, the Pig Men. After all, experience shows that i might tell you that your head is full of cottage cheese, but at least i won’t pin you down and fuck you against your will – it’s not like i’m a male feminist or anything!

Scientist Claims Female Brain is Made of Cottage Cheese

Scientist Claims Female Brain is Made of Cottage Cheese published on

In an article to be published in next month’s issue of the prestigious Harvard Journal of
Medical Science, Dr. Jonathon Naylor reveals the astonishing findings of his latest
research into the differences between the male and female brains.

According to Dr. Naylor, a Professor of Neuro-science at Johns Hopkins, he and his team
spent several weeks examining the brains of over 1000 female volunteers using X-rays
and MRI imaging and were astonished to find not the expected brain tissue, but rather a
lumpy, curdy substance known to the layman as cottage cheese.

“We were astonished, “ the professor told our reporter. “Instead of actual brains, it seems
that the heads of virtually all women are filled with cottage cheese. It isn’t even high
quality, fancy, cottage cheese, but the cheap crap you buy at Wal-Mart when nobody you
know is looking.”

He continued, while helping his female assistant to figure out her left
hand from her right by teaching her that “L” thing usually reserved for small children,
“How women manage to get anything done with what amounts to no brains at all is a
great mystery. It does, however, finally explain certain noted female eccentricities such
as not being able to figure out how to turn on a light switch without help from the nearest
male.”

In our politically correct climate, the professor is quick to allay any fears of sexism. “I
should point out that, of course, this research does not apply to all females – just the
human ones.”

SJWs!

SJWs! published on

SJWs!
They fought the leftists, they served the plutocrats,
Exiled the socialists, kissed the asses of Democrats.
They indoctrinated the kids in their universities,
Filling their heads with post-modern perversities.

They tore the reason out of academia, drove all the professors bats,
Threw away their mortar boards, replaced them with pussy hats.
And tweeted their outrage late into the night,
Virtue signaling with all their righteous might!

They redefined and redefined, then redefined some more,
Till X was Y, and none could tell the ceiling from the floor.
Till assent was dissent, and reality was thoroughly bent.
Till words were violence, till free speech was silence.
Till virtue was vice, and cats were mice.

They corrupted the judges and polluted the sports,
And were easily triggered, but only by others’ faults.
In false virtue they were clad, as they confused good with bad,
Black with white, and sanity with an unhealthy dose of mad.
They sipped their lattes, they preened their blue hair.
And if Western civilization goes to hell?
Well, it’s not as if they care!