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Queer Cats Not Wanted In Nigeria

Queer Cats Not Wanted In Nigeria published on

If Sweden is Saudi Arabia for men, Nigeria is Saudi Arabia for gays. Not just gay humans, either, but also gay felines. Some brainless twat of a woman has decided that she no longer wants her cat because he seems to be a bit on the gay side!

According to Leadership, which labels itself Nigeria’s most influential newspaper, this one is for real. A middle aged woman best known in her neighborhood for wearing tin foil hats has apparently divested herself of a male cat who has been her pet for the last seven years because he’s a little pink around the edges. Not only does the cat, who goes by the ironically macho name of “Bull”, make sexual advances only towards other male cats –  who probably wonder what the fuck is going on –  but none of the kittens born in the area seem to have his markings. This has led the cat’s owner, a retired circus pinhead from Lafia, Nasarawa State, to issue this historic, hysterical, and rather unlikely declaration…

“…anybody interested in this gay cat can have it because I have no further use of it.”

She later went on to accuse the cat of not only being a witch, but also of having played a key role in the Kennedy assassination. Could be worse – he could have been a Muslim cat, in which case the woman in question could have had him stoned to death.

I should point out that the cat in the picture is not actually Bull. I don’t even think he’s gay, he probably just pretends to be gay in order to get chicks.

More here


Kiki Lin Has A Tight Pussy

Kiki Lin Has A Tight Pussy published on

Hey, someone had to say it. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong kind of pussy. Some asshole in Taiwan decided that the proper way to discipline her cat was to do this…

Yes, folks, she stuffed her cat into a plastic jar! Now, while this is far from being the worst case of animal abuse I’ve seen, it is a pretty unpleasant thing to do to an animal, even one with a stupid name like Kiki (yep, she named the cat after herself!) Compounding the girl’s cruelty is her stupidity – she posted the photos of her crime on Facebook! This is what gets into Uni in Taiwan? I wonder if they have women’s quotas over there…?

Not only is Kiki ( the large one, not the one who looks like she’s sitting on Satan’s lap) a moron and a sadist, but the little cow sees nothing wrong with what she did. No, like all psychos she places the blame at the feet of others…

“I really don’t see how it is their (netizens) place to criticize me,” said Lin, “without even knowing what happened; they have too much time on their hands.”

Of course we have extra time on our hands. You know why? Because we aren’t busy stuffing animals into jars! Later on, Ms Lin confirmed my suspicions about the contents of her skull by changing her story. Apparently, the cat-stuffing incident was not a form of punishment but rather an attempt at inventing a novel new form of pet transport…

“I love her so much, and I was just testing out the most convenient method of taking her out. And I only did it once.”

She then insulted everyone’s intelligence by presenting the press with the jar, which has miraculously sprouted some air holes not seen in the original photo.

The cruelty, the lack of empathy for her own pet, the refusal to accept responsibility, let’s just hope this girl gets her tubes tied before some idiot knocks her up. Last thing the world needs is a child in this woman’s hands. As for punishment, forget the fine and jail time – let’s stuff her into a jar just big enough for one pinhead. When she yells out the Chinese version of “What the fuck!?!?!” we can just tell her that it’s time for walkies!  It should be okay – as long as we do it only once.

More on this pussy stuffer here.

Amanda Marcotte Screams Misogyny at People Who Diss Cats

Amanda Marcotte Screams Misogyny at People Who Diss Cats published on

Hot on the heels of her complaints about the size of women’s wrists in Disney movies, comes yet another howler from Mad Mandy.

Yes, folks, Marcotte the Mad has struck again. This time she is claiming that the reason some people hate on cats is because – wait for it – cats are seen as feminine, are popular with single women and we live in a society in which everyone hates women!

In a recent slab of weirdness  entitled “Why Do People Bag On Cats So Much?” the internet’s dumbest feminist claims…

“Well, I think I have a theory, and yes, it’s sexism. Deeply sublimated sexism, but sexism all the same. While all sorts of people have pets of both types, cats are associated with not just women, but single, childless women. A lot of what people are doing when they insist that you cat doesn’t really love you and you must be fooling yourself is a kind of mansplaining: Silly cat ladies, who think that their cats love them! It fits into this larger narrative about how women are dumb and needy and cling to cats, unlike sure-footed, bright men who pick a pet they know loves them: dogs.”

While an interesting “theory” in the post modern sense of the word (which is to say that it is little more than a wild guess) not only does Marcotte The Mad fail to present actual evidence, she also fails to explain why this supposedly widespread dislike of the feline species isn’t hating on people who think their cats love them, rather than just on the women. But then, this is feminist theory and hence does not need any evidence, just a persecution complex and a manufactured sense of outrage. Normal people would say that the reason many people don’t like cats is that cats don’t dote on their owners the way that wonderful creature called the dog does. If you burst into fire, your dog will race to the nearest fire extinguisher and promptly douse the flames, or at the very least he will jump up onto the mantelpiece so he can pee on you. Not the cat, though, the cat will – if he bothers to wake up at all – simply go “Meh,” and then fall back asleep. Personally I think these people are missing the point of having a pet as the idea is for you to look after it, not for it to look after you, but I can see where they are coming from. Not Mad Mandy, oh, no…

Little Ms Paranoia then draws an even more tenuous connection between cat-haters and “pick up artists,” claiming that…

“Cats are imbued with one of the worst stereotypes of women, popular with “pick-up artists”: That women are shallow creatures who don’t love so much as seek out the richest man they can find, and they exchange sex for security. Except cats are characterized as shallow creatures who merely feign affection for security, but basically, same theory.”

Again, no evidence, just a ludicrous assertion that PUAs can’t tell the difference between pussy and pussy. But wait, with Mad Mandy we don’t need evidence, we have something much more important, much more substantial, and in Mandy’s world view probably much more feminine…

“… I’d like to see a study that measures if there’s a correlation between holding negative views of cats and believing women are gold-diggers. Because I have a hunch that might just be so.”

To the feminist mind, this thing called a “hunch” is pretty much the same as yelling “Checkmate! Argument over! Take your logic and shove it Mr. Man, no room for reason around here!”

Mentally ill rantings here.

Incidentally, in this article we also learn that Mad Mandy has a boyfriend! I don’t know who the unlucky guy is, but I do have this piece of advice – dump Mandy, and buy a cat.


Senile Old Coot Fails to Foresee Own Death

Senile Old Coot Fails to Foresee Own Death published on

Remember this guy?

Yeah, him, Harold Camping, the nutjob who a couple of years ago announced that the world would soon be ending in a glorious explosion of hellfire, brimstone and self-righteousness. While his unexpected and novel announcement may have caused much mirth amongst the rational few, it also caused a lot of Christian idiots to sell their possessions and donate their kidneys in preparation for the coming Rapture  — because as everyone knows, in heaven you need neither your Tivo nor your internal organs. For this, I don’t know whether to damn Harold or thank him…

Anyway, it seems that Harold’s power to predict the future is even more flawed than we thought. The news has come down (rather like Harold himself) that the great man has apparently died after failing to divine that dancing on the roof when you are 92 is a bad idea. Yes, while dancing the polka with a pair of drunken strippers, the devout one slipped and fell off the roof, landing face first in his dog’s water dish. By the time the strippers could climb down off the roof and give him mouth to mouth, it was too late – the Holy Man had gone to meet his maker with what is probably a very bad case of doggy breath.

This links to a religious site. You have been warned. If you don’t want to give them traffic, you can just take my word for it.


Never Mind The Bollards, Here’s Some Sex-Obsessed Pillocks!

Never Mind The Bollards, Here’s Some Sex-Obsessed Pillocks! published on

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Who the fuck over the age of 12 would look at these things and see a bunch of dicks?

Who? Well, apparently quite a few people in the town of Scott, Pittsburgh, that’s who. It seems that some of Scott’s citizens are in possession of the kind of immature mind that can’t look at a cylinder with a rounded end without thinking of a penis!

Some of the more dim-witted locals have taken to calling the street on which the bollards are installed “Penis Street”! Could have been worse, I suppose, they could have nicknamed it Dong Drive or WeeWee Avenue! These are, no doubt, the kind of people who  snicker when they see an unusually large cucumber or burst into straight out laughter when they hear the term “penal system”!

Unfortunately, though, even idiots get to vote so the local authorities are having to address the issue. Some of the people in charge are acting pretty stupid themselves by suggesting the tops (I’m surprised they didn’t say “heads”) of the bollards should be flattened ( if nothing else, this would make them match the heads of many of the town’s citizens) or by saying the things should be replaced with “something more antique.” Perhaps some nice, life size statues of women wearing full-body bathing suits? Other local politicians are more sensible, with one suggesting people should get their minds out of the gutter, and another, one Pat Caruso, putting the complaints down to people with “weird minds.”

More weirdness here.