Skip to content

The Shocking Truth About Nathan Phillips!

The Shocking Truth About Nathan Phillips! published on
nathan phillips and elizabeth warren
Nathan Phillips, seen here with his daughter Elizabeth Warren

For the minority of readers who don’t already know, Nathan Phillips, a.k.a Nathan Stanard, a.k.a Nathan Berkowitz, a.k.a Wayne Newton’s Cousin, a.k.a Chief Shifty Bastard, a.k.a Spongebob Squarepants, a.k.a Taylor Swift, is the elderly man who recently caused a media storm after accosting a group of adolescent boys wearing MAGA hats at a rally celebrating the 450th birthday of Pocahontas, a Native American woman famous for leading Lewis and Clarke into a Louisiana swamp and starting the annual camel races in Topeka, Kansas. Readers will also remember that Mr. Phillips made many claims about the above encounter which were later contradicted by full footage of the confrontation, which showed that the boys did not, as Phillips has claimed, chant “Build the wall” but rather “Bill is small,” a reference to a rumour started many years ago by Paula Jones.

It will also be remembered that Mr. Phillips lied about having been in Vietnam during the war, and that he is not, as he has also claimed, the midget who played the main Ewok in The Empire Strikes Back. But now, thanks to some clever investigative work by yours truly, it can be revealed that Mr. Phillips is not even a Native American! He is, in fact, a white insurance salesman named James Fotherington the 3rd!

 

James Fotherington before picture
James Fotherington the Third before his radical transformation

While never taking part in any actual wars, federal records show that Mr. Fotherington was in fact in the armed services, and stationed in Petaluma, California where he fixed refrigerators and air conditioning units. It was here, in 1973, that his problems began. During one of the few days when he wasn’t AWOL and hanging around with hookers in Vegas, Mr. Fotherington was ordered to fix some refrigeration units in the base’s kitchen. It was then that a carelessly balanced refrigerator fell on his head, knocking him senseless and putting him in a five month coma. When he awoke, Fotherington was now convinced that he was a Native American man who had once been Crazy Horse’s valet. Nothing that he was told or shown could dissuade him from this delusion, not even a mirror or photos of his white family, both of which he insisted were optical illusions conjured up by a Republican PR firm.

Obtaining an honourable discharge on the basis of permanent disability and incurable stupidity, Fotherington then proceeded to use the trust fund left to him by his grandfather, feather pillow magnate James Fotherington the First, to transform himself into his vision of the perfect “Indian.” He travelled to Mexico, where he claimed to be a descendant of Pancho Villa and the inventor of Chilli Con Carne. “Before i came along it was Chilli Con Piedras,” he told one local. It was while in Mexico that Fotherington had cheek implants put in place and had his ears enlarged. He then moved to Michigan, where he took out a lifetime membership at Blisters Galore, the state’s most popular chain of tanning salons, and purchased a lifetime supply of “Chief Fake Red Man’s Sunless Tanning Lotion.”

By the mid 1980s, having wasted what was left of his trust fund on unwise investments – Fotherington was the primary investor in a driving school for Chinese women – and now firmly entrenched in his “Native American” persona, Fotherington just barely managed to support himself by selling used teepees to hippies left over from the 1960s. In the early 2000s, as his customers started dying out due to so many decades of too much marijuana and not enough protein, Fotherington realized that there was more money in activism than in second hand camping gear so he joined the local tribal council, got a Facebook account, and started going on about the problems of Native Americans, something of which there is no shortage. In 2016, while serving a community sentence over a scuffle with an Italian whom he suspected of  being a descendant of Christopher Columbus, he told his supervisor “If only someday i can take my little drum and stir up a really big fuss and get my face all over the media, then i can set up a GoFundMe page, and finally start raking in some real dough.” And the rest, as they say, is fake news.

Donald Sutherland is ashamed of being male. And white.

Donald Sutherland is ashamed of being male. And white. published on

Strangely enough, he seems quite proud to be Canadian. Go figure.

Needless to say, this Donald, unlike the other one, is a massive, massive pussy. And a total embarrassment to both his sex and race. Here’s an idea, you senile old coot — why don’t you start identifying as a black woman? Because we sure as hell don’t want you over here.

And how about Helen Mirren, hey? Who is it that, worldwide, is more privileged than a rich white male like Sutherland? Yes, it’s a rich white female like Mirren! Utter scum, this woman. It’s like a rich white man telling some black guy in the ghetto that he, the black guy, is the privileged one!

Today’s Left — Assaulting The Homeless Instead of Beating Up The Plutocrats

Today’s Left — Assaulting The Homeless Instead of Beating Up The Plutocrats published on

Over the last few years, my disdain for my own side of politics has grown to the point where, if Trump gets in and turns out to not be a fake like Warren or Sanders, i may very well dump the Left and join the populist Right.

There are many reasons for my anger at what used to be the working man’s side of politics. The Left wing political establishment’s continuing slide towards the side of the plutocrats is part of it, and so is the fact that they cover up their evil new allegiance with a lot of PC crap about how awful whites, males, and especially white males are. Then there’s the fact that even the left wing “independent” media has turned plutocratic – how else to explain places like Reader Supported News supporting, even endorsing, the more right wing of the presidential candidates? That is no surprise from long-suspect publications like the NY Times and the Guardian, but when even the outlets supposedly controlled by real lefties are siding with the neo-liberal, neo-conservative Clinton, you know the rot has gone all the way down to the roots and it may be time to cut down the old apple tree.

If one looks back at recent history while searching for a symbolic moment that shows the Left for the evil creature that it has become, one will be presented with many distasteful options. Was it Bubba D Raper passing NAFTA? Was it Tony Blair getting Rupert Murdoch’s endorsement? Was it Bernie Sanders turning his back on his supporters and kissing the ass of the woman who destroyed his campaign? No. Bad as those were, there is something even worse, something that shows that the rot has indeed gone all the way to the roots, that it is no longer just the political Left and the “independent” left wing media that work for the plutocrats, but the common leftists themselves. Folks, i give you the face of the modern Left…

Isn’t that great? Some big mother fuckers verbally assaulting, destroying the property of, and possibly even physically assaulting a homeless black woman and acting as if they are righteous for doing so! If these bastards had been whites back in the old south, there would be one more strange fruit dangling from a southern tree. It’s the same mentality as the KKK and their ilk, just with a new, more fashionable target. And, needless to say, in typical SJW fashion, they justified their crimes against her by accusing the victim of “spewing hate.” And did you spot the anti-white racism? Yeah, the bit where someone dismisses a guy trying to get them to take it easy by calling him a “white boy.” There’s also a fine attempt at equating “hate speech” with committing a robbery. Good thing these guys weren’t cops, or they would have shot her dead and then claimed she was the one who killed JFK!

So there you have it, folks, the moment that best encapsulates what the Left has become – a bunch of bullies and thugs who will not tolerate anyone speaking out against their plutocratic masters. Kinda makes me want to take them all and dump them in very large volcano, but that’s the kind of thing that only happens in beautiful dreams…

Why I Shit On The Right And Piss On The Left

Why I Shit On The Right And Piss On The Left published on

 

Yes, folks, it’s all due to an anatomical anomaly – I have a brain that’s larger than a hamster’s bollocks…

There was a time when the Left Wing was worth supporting, but that time is long gone. Nowadays, the Left does little for the poor, little for the environment, and nothing for men. But let me start with the many reasons why the Right is even worse than the Left.

I shit on the Right because it is the primary accomplice of the plutocracy. These people know fully well that they are working to make the rich richer. Indeed, doing so is the modern Rights’ raison d’etre ( and no, that’s not the name of a French breakfast cereal). With the right wing, it’s all about the so-called free market, all about deregulation, while paying lip service to their idiot base by making occasional complaints about gays getting married and Mehicans taking jobs from the white folks. You’ll notice that they don’t actually get round to doing anything about the latter problem, but why would they when their plutocratic masters clearly appreciate the cheap labor? While the Left does nothing for the poor – or at least, so little as to be inconsequential – the Right goes out of its way to shit all over them. This is not really a matter of different intentions, it is simply part of the game – to maintain the illusion that there is a genuine choice the Left has to act a bit less assholish than the Right. Stop doing that and even the dumbest amongst us will realize that both sides are nothing but zombies at the beck and call of some capitalist voodoo priest. I suspect that this rampant right wing support for the plutocrats is mostly the doing of plutocrat-owned leaders – trickle down and all that crap – rather than the doing of the right wingers on the ground. After all, it’s not just the liberal constituencies that are losing jobs to mechanization and the third world, and, surely, not even the average right winger could be so stupid as to consciously and knowingly aid and abet in his own economic castration. Or could he?

The Right is also where you find the majority of homophobes, anti-black racists, warmongers, and irrational nutjobs convinced that the world was made a few thousand years ago by some senile old bastard who lives in the sky. And the first two can be blamed on the average right winger, not simply on their leaders. I doubt that the owners of the Right really give a shit about supporting things like racism and homophobia, but they pretend to in order to keep the Right’s bigoted base on their side. As for religious excess, I have no doubt that the plutocracy does support it as irrationality breeds irrationality. Most people are not smart enough to be irrational in Area “A” while staying rational in Areas “B” to “Z”. For most people, irrationality is a disease that spreads from one part of life to the others, and that is exactly how the plutocrats want it. Make people irrational about God, the meaning of life and all that other crap, and soon they will be irrational about politics, the climate, disappearing jobs, and their rapidly vanishing freedoms.

And on that point – irrationality – let me start in on the Left. The Left has been so contaminated by political correctness and other College-borne, pseudo-liberal viruses that they can no longer tell shit from chocolate, black from white, up from down, and male from female. That’s right, the same people who scream “Right wing loonies!” at those who think the Bible is the word of God are the same people who cheer loudly when Bruce Jenner claims to be “for all intents and purposes” a woman! Of course, if he were to come out tomorrow and claim that the rapture was just around the corner, it is these same people who would be taking to their Twitter accounts to blither out, “Holy shit, Caitlyn Jenner has lost her mind!” I’m not a religious sort ( in case you haven’t figured that out yet ) but even i can’t help but think of that biblical bit about the splinter and the log. And this is one of the greatest sins of the Left, its abandoning of the thing called reason — if there has to be a God, that God should be Reason. But the Left does not see it that way, to them Reason is something to be loathed and disrespected. It is something that oppresses people, even though most Left wing ideas are based on it. And even worse than that – it is something that stops people feeling good about themselves! To the illogical, touchy-feely types that dominate the Left, there seems to be nothing worse than people (their people, of course ) feeling bad about themselves. So they must support Bruce when he claims his penis, his bollocks, and his having at least twice inseminated a woman are in no way evidence of his maleness. And if someone who is as white as he is black decides they feel better about themselves “identifying” as black, then the 50% of their DNA that says “white” must be ignored – especially when that someone is a plutocratic stooge trying to get into the White House. Next thing you know, claiming to be a duck will be perfectly PC as long as you stick some feathers on your ass and occasionally go “Quack, quack!”

Then there is the Left’s unwavering support for multiculturalism and the Islamic invasion. In other words, the Left’s unwavering support for the Right! After all, it’s not as if the liberal West is being flooded with socialists and progressives, is it? That’s how batshit crazy the average leftist has become – they are supporting a far right invasion of the liberal West simply because the conservative invaders are kind of swarthy, eat kebabs instead of hot dogs, and scream “Allahu Akbar” instead of “Jesus Is Lord!” Sheer lunacy! And in the long term, the worst sin of the Left – they are destroying the left wing ideologies that have made the last one hundred years something close to a Golden Age for the common man, and they are doing so in the name of Leftism itself! For a mind as logically inclined as my own, this is truly incomprehensible. Shit, at least the right wing Christians have a life time of conditioning and a very prestigious best seller telling them all the shit that fills their heads! What the hell is the excuse of the Left?!?!? A couple of decades of propaganda and academic chicanery do not compare to a life time of brain washing – it takes a far crazier person to believe the former than it does the latter.

Then there is the matter of character. While the Right deserves to be reviled for accepting the opportunity to hate on the poor, the blacks, and the gays, the Left is just as deserving of contempt for its eagerness to shit all over whites and, especially, men. In the same way that the average right wing asshole does not have to say, “Yes!” when asked if he wants to hate the niggers, the faggots, and poor white trash, so too could the average left wing asshole have said, “Fuck you!” when offered the opportunity to hate on whitey, the menz, and those who can still tell a cock from a cunt. But, no. Just like the bigots on the Right, the bigots on the Left saw the opportunity to treat a huge group of people as inferior, and they grabbed it with both hands. The offer to be bigoted we can blame on the plutocrat-owned leaders of the Left – the accepting of that offer can only be blamed on the followers themselves.

So, for these and other reasons that i am too pissed off to think of right now, I hold both sides of politics in the highest contempt and hope they both go down in flames and are replaced by something decent and humane. It ain’t gonna happen, of course, but we can always hope – and if we can’t hope, we can always rant about it on our blogs!