So it’s come to this – school children being tasered for minor infringements. Anyone doubting just how barbaric the US is becoming should check out these surreal situations…

17 year old Jonathan Villareal likes to do that thing where his pants are almost falling off. This fashion choice turned out to be not too popular with the cops at his High School, who decided that his refusal to hitch up his trousers justified dragging him to the ground, breaking his arm and firing a taser at his chest.

Another 17 year old, a little miscreant by the name of Zahrod Jackson, wanted as part of his free lunch – known in the US Department of Education as “The Wall Street Special Except Cheaper” – not only a slice of pizza but also a beef patty. A verbal dispute ensued, resulting in the intervention of two brave members of the Connecticut filth, one of whom threw the greedy little bugger to the ground, the second of which proceeded to taser the kid five times!

What the hell cops are doing inside schools is anyone’s guess. The popular excuse is the fear of  a Columbine repeat, but it’s safe to say that a taser is going to be of little use against a couple of psycho kids with automatic weapons. Tasers are however, pretty good at creating a climate of fear in which kids are scared to step out of line in even the smallest of ways, lest they get a dose of the old battery juice to the chest.

Contrary to popular myth, being shocked with one of these pocket sized cattle prods isn’t all fun and games. Despite the device’s makers touting them as largely harmless, about four Americans die every month thanks to this “non-lethal” device, and most of them weren’t even armed…

 

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Last month, wannabe model Rebecca Leigh Crimmins got on the piss and decided to do something a judge later referred to as “disgusting and abhorrent.”

So what did the blonde inebriate do? Did she take a dump on a nun? Did she feed Amy Winehouse’s carcass to the Queen’s corgis? No, she wetted a tampon in cordial, then – I can barely bring myself to describe it – repeatedly dabbed a McDonald’s worker on the hand while claiming she had found it in her fries!

This unprecedented atrocity resulted in a charge of common assault and sixty days of community service, presumably checking boxes of fries for stray tampons. There was a time – a saner time – when a mere apology would do, but not now. Now you can actually go to jail for such actions. How anyone can see such a harmless prank as an assault is beyond my simple intellect. No harm was done, the tampon wasn’t wet from blood so the grossout factor is greatly minimized and the potential for infection is non-existent, yet this could have landed the poor cow in jail. One has to wonder if the obviously smart people who make the laws truly believe such actions constitute assault, or if they are simply trying – successfully – to create a society where everyone is walking around on eggshells, scared shitless to do any of the thousands of things that could land you in jail these days.

In my view such draconian zeal when it comes to these harmless “crimes” is for the most part an attempt to quash dissent before it even arises. After all, if a stupid joke can land you in jail, should you even think of joining a protest when the government has told you not to? Shit, no – that could get you a lot worse than some community service, and that’s if you survive the arrest.

 

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