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Madonna Threatens To Fellate Clinton Supporters

Madonna Threatens To Fellate Clinton Supporters published on

We all know that if there is one thing Donald Trump lacks, it’s celebrity supporters. Holy shit, you can count them all on one short-fingered hand! The bright side to this dark situation is that even if Trump goes down in flames he will have done us all the favor of revealing just how plutocratic showbiz has become. Here they are, faced with the choice of a neo-liberal, neo-conservative warmonger vs. a more old fashioned type of conservative, and who do they side with? Yep — the far right woman who wants to make the celebs’ stock portfolio fatter and fatter with every quarter. Choosing far-right over center-right – so much for “left wing” Hollywood!

Apparently, though, not all celebs are trying to get Psycho Granny into the White House, as we found out recently when Madonna — a withered, botoxed old thing that used to be quite popular at around the time that the Wright Brothers started fooling around with their famous contraption — made this surprise statement in front of a group of retarded SJWs who had come to worship at the flabby altar of Amy Schumer…

“If you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blowjob. OK? I’m really good. I’m not a douche, and I’m not a tool. I take my time, I have a lot of eye contact, and I do swallow.”

Now, the naïve amongst us have taken that as an encouragement for dudes to go out and vote for Clinton. But who in their right mind would want a blowjob from a dried up old mummy like Madonna? Nobody, and Madge knows it. I mean, she even threatens to look into the recipient’s eyes as she “swallows the snake” so that the poor bastard won’t be able to pretend he’s being blown by an attractive woman! And speaking of swallowing, what can the mention that she swallows be other than a threat to give the guy herpes and whatever other shit you can get from an unprotected blowjob? I mean, she can’t swallow if the poor bastard is wearing a condom, can she? And then there is also the threat to take her time. No sixty second sucky-suck here! Oh, no! The horror will go on for at least five minutes, minutes which, under such circumstances, will feel like eons. It’s possible, of course that the poor old bat is so senile that she thinks someone might actually want a blowjob from her sandpaper mouth, but i doubt it. No, as i see it, this is Madonna’s attempt to make up for all the bad shit she has done in the past by helping to get the lesser of the two evils into the chair in which, ironically, Hillary Clinton’s husband used to get his dick sucked!

And it’s working, too! As of the writing of this piece, the NY Times is claiming that roughly 50 million American men have reported that they will be changing their vote from Clinton to Trump in order to avoid getting their wieners covered in the dust of the ages. The tactic has proven so successful that even illegal Mexican immigrants have promised to vote Trump! According to the Times, one such man, an aspiring gardener just freshly arrived in Los Angeles, was quoted as saying…

“No quiero BJ de Madonna! Dios mio, no! NO! Trump es bueno! Yo voto para Trump. No Madonna! Per favor, no Madonna!”

For all you deplorable, non-multicultural bastards out there, this translates roughly as “A blowjob from a woman older than my grandmother?!?!?! I’d rather stick my dick in a blender!”

And so i salute you, Ms. Ciccone, for at long last lending your mouth to a good cause. Of course, not all men surrender so easily and that leaves about 70 million blowjobs for Madge to deliver on come (heh, heh) November 8th. 70 million blowjobs in a day. Sounds like tough work! But don’t worry, boys – it’s nothing Madge hasn’t done before! I just hope she remembers to take along plenty of Alka- Seltzer…