After decades of diligently checking his mailbox every day, Mr. Wilbur Snorflebonger has finally received his long awaited male privilege…

“ I couldn’t believe my eyes,” he told our reporter. “I had been hearing about male privilege ever since childhood, yet somehow I had never seemed to receive mine! I was starting to think the entire thing was some sort of myth. You know, like a leprechaun or something. Then this morning there it was, a beacon of hope radiating from my mailbox like the dawn of a new day. I swear, I don’t know why it took so long to get here. I can only assume it’s been lost in the mail for the last 35 years. But hey, what matters is it’s finally arrived and I’m pleased as punch. I have to admit it’s not as large a package as the rumors had led me to expect… in fact it’s not so much a package as it is a small envelope containing an even smaller note…”

“And what does the note say?” I asked Mr. Snorflebonger.

“Well, it’s a pretty fancy note, I should point out. Embossed, and with faux gold trimmings…”

“Yes, but what does it say? What is your actual ‘male privilege’?”

“Well, apparently I am able to write my name in the snow without having to bend over! Of course, I am not allowed to do it when anybody else is around or I will be arrested. But hey, most women can’t do it at all! Ha ha! It’s good to be King!”

And there we leave Wilbur Snorflebonger, a simple and trusting man who has at last seen the promise of patriarchal privilege delivered on. Best of luck to you, sir. All you have to do now is find a way to stop paying your wife child support for a child of which you have custody.

For those not familiar with Bloom County, Binkley was constantly waking up his long-suffering dad in the middle of the night to tell him something or other. This is one of the few times when it was actually something important…

A Guest Post By Daisy Duchess, President of the National Organization of Feminist Weasels.

 

Rape culture. You want an example of rape culture? How about this fucking disgusting, sexist, misogynistic article in the UK’s Daily Mail?

Some bastard rapes a woman paid to walk his dog, and all the article can go on about is how the rapist is some hunk who looks like Brad Pitt and that the rape should be blamed on his meds. This, this is why women who are raped don’t come forward, because they know they’re going to be treated like a joke. Fuck the Daily Mail, fuck the police and fuck all the commenters at the newspaper’s website.

Here is the story in its entirety. If you must give those bastards a visit there’s a link to the original article at the bottom of the page.

 

An English dog walker is claiming that a sex-crazed Brad Pitt look-alike stabbed her after she refused to have sex with him for a third time.

Nicole Standish told police that Christopher McHamish – a stunningly handsome man in his 30s — had already forced her at knifepoint to have intercourse and perform oral sex.

Standish claims that when she returned Muffy the dog to McHamish’s home he asked her to bring the dog in and then demanded that she have sex with him ( “she” meaning Standish, not the dog.) When Miss Standish refused, the handsome hunk allegedly pulled out a knife and forced her to undress. Police investigating the claims say that McHamish’s behavior may have been caused by a combination of medication and too many Ding Dongs – several empty boxes of the chocolaty treat were found in the man’s kitchen.

Miss Standish claims that her life has been made a living hell by gal pals who keep ribbing her about the fact that she actually had to be forced to have sex with the mirror image of someone once dubbed The Sexiest Man Alive.

Ms Standish, a small mousy woman with a disproportionately large tuckus,  told us…

“It’s awful, I’m a local celebrity now, every one is talking about me. They don’t understand why I refused such a good looking guy, but unless you’re some sort of rutting dog you don’t just have it off with everyone you meet, no matter how good looking they are. And once he takes out a knife and starts yelling at you, well it’s pretty bloody hard to get in the mood then, isn’t it?”

Miss Standish managed to escape after she barricaded herself in the bathroom and phoned the police. She was then taken to  hospital suffering from more than half a dozen stab wounds.

“We are interviewing both parties to discover what could have happened,” said a police spokesman.

Original article here