The presidential hopeful today announced that, if she wins the presidency, her husband will be given the post of Rapist In Chief as well as several thousand bottles of Viagra.

The surprise announcement comes in the wake of revelations by various anti-feminist groups that the much cited figure that one in three college women are raped is fictional, and that the real figure is closer to one in fifty. Said the former Secretary of State…

“As a woman, it concerns me that so few young women are being raped in our colleges. It is a woman’s God given right to be raped, and if today’s young men are not up to the job, my husband is just the guy to step into the breach. So to speak. As the whole world knows, Bill is quite the expert when it comes to rape and sexual assault – just ask Juanita Broaddrick. Or Obama’s pet dog, for that matter!”

When asked how he felt about the promised appointment, President Clinton, whose right hand seemed to be doing the Lambada in his pocket, spat out some tobacco juice and yelled lustily…

“Yeehar, ahm gonna grab me some pussy!”