Posts categoriezed as Politics
Senile Old Man Makes Fool of Self
I guess Schwarzenegger wasnât on the menu this time âround, what with the maid-diddling scandal, so the Republicans rolled out the only other big name theyâve got — Clint Eastwood. This may have been a mistake, as the poor old guy comes across as being on his last legs, does a lot of hemming and hawing, and pretends to talk to a Barack Obama who isnât actually there!
And howâs this for a half hearted endorsement — âPossibly, now, it may be time for someone else.â Wow, such unrestrained enthusiasm! I guess money can buy everything!  Then there are the plebs in the crowd who stand and cheer when Eastwood says âWe own this country.â Though he pretends to include the audience in that âwe,â what he really means is rich bastards like himself. But the poor, deluded fools donât seem to understand that. Well, of course they donât â if they were smart they wouldnât be at the convention to begin withâŚ
The only intelligent thing said during this bizarre and seemingly endless senior moment is when the imaginary Obama tells Eastwood to shut up. Unfortunately, Eastwood doesnât know good advice when he hears it and continues to blither for another 7 minutesâŚ
A New Hope for America
Sparky and Roadkill on Five Minutes to Midnight
Howdy Doody In Shock Bid for Republican Nomination
In a surprise move, far-right factions within the Republican party have decided to run beloved TV star Howdy Doody against what they see as the dangerously ultra-liberal Mitt Romney.
Mr. Doody, who since his retirement from performing has been the executive director of the influential conservative think tank The Heritage Foundation, is running on the slogan âItâs time for a change – itâs time to put a puppet in the White House.â Details of the newcomerâs actual policies are so far rather vague, but they are rumored to have something to do with feeling all warm and tingly and patriotic, with a good dose of 1950s optimism thrown in.
It has been revealed that the man behind this late entry into the race is none other than famous pill popper and radio host Rush Limbaugh, who told our reporter that he sees Howdy as the perfect Republican candidateâŚ
âMr. Doody is part of a long tradition of rugged Republican he-men. He is a manâs man, and the perfect successor to Ronald Reagan and George W. We know itâs rather late in the game and only a few primaries are left, but stranger things have happened and come November it will be Doody vs. Obama. One kind of Doody vs. another kind of Doody you might sayâŚhehâŚheh.â When asked by our reporter what he meant by that comment, Mr. Limbaugh replied that âWell, what I mean is that theyâre both large eared gentlemen, obviously.â
âWhat matters,â Mr. Limbaugh continued, is that Mr. Doody is a great patriot who can get this great country back on track far more effectively than some limp wrested liberal moron, I mean Mormon. Howdy is an American right down to his freckles! You know, heâs got 48 of them, one for each state! You donât get more American than that!â When our reporter pointed out that there are fifty states in the union, Mr Limbaugh retortedâŚ
âAlaska and Hawaii donât count, one of themâs full of Japs and big fat brown people, for Godâs sake!â
Will Howdyâs bid for the nomination succeed? Will he join a long tradition of cowboy presidents such as Ronald Reagan and that one who looked like a monkey? Are Americans ready for a puppet as their president? Would they even notice? Only time will tell.