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Queer Cats Not Wanted In Nigeria

Queer Cats Not Wanted In Nigeria published on

If Sweden is Saudi Arabia for men, Nigeria is Saudi Arabia for gays. Not just gay humans, either, but also gay felines. Some brainless twat of a woman has decided that she no longer wants her cat because he seems to be a bit on the gay side!

According to Leadership, which labels itself Nigeria’s most influential newspaper, this one is for real. A middle aged woman best known in her neighborhood for wearing tin foil hats has apparently divested herself of a male cat who has been her pet for the last seven years because he’s a little pink around the edges. Not only does the cat, who goes by the ironically macho name of “Bull”, make sexual advances only towards other male cats –  who probably wonder what the fuck is going on –  but none of the kittens born in the area seem to have his markings. This has led the cat’s owner, a retired circus pinhead from Lafia, Nasarawa State, to issue this historic, hysterical, and rather unlikely declaration…

“…anybody interested in this gay cat can have it because I have no further use of it.”

She later went on to accuse the cat of not only being a witch, but also of having played a key role in the Kennedy assassination. Could be worse – he could have been a Muslim cat, in which case the woman in question could have had him stoned to death.

I should point out that the cat in the picture is not actually Bull. I don’t even think he’s gay, he probably just pretends to be gay in order to get chicks.

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