Darnel Harris, a young black man residing in New York,  has launched a multi million dollar lawsuit against the city and the police force, alleging discrimination and neglect occasioning emotional distress.

Mr. Harris says he feels left out of the traditional slaying of young black males so popular in the U.S…

“What’s a brother gotta do to get his head blown off ‘round here? I’ve tried it all man! I’ve tried driving around minding my own business! I’ve tried going to the train station and lying face down on the ground! I’ve even tried hanging around 7/11s wearing a hoodie, and nothing! No bullets, no beatings, not even a “Get yo’ black ass back to the jungle!” I’m starting to feel like I’m the only black man in the country that isn’t getting any attention from the authorities. It’s starting to affect me at work. I can’t concentrate properly, I just sit there thinking “What’s wrong with me? Why won’t anyone shoot me dead?” The other day I was so distracted I tried to phone my dad on a ham sandwich!”

Mr. Harris, who has been in therapy for the last five months, tells us that despite the lawsuit he hasn’t yet given up on being shot dead. “There’s always hope, you know? Next thing I’m gonna do is go to a senior citizen’s home, wait for a police car to come along, then help a little old lady across the street. If that doesn’t do the trick I don’t know what will!”