We have all been treated to the pseudo-macho antics of right wing nutter Ted Nugent, he who thinks killing small, furry animals is manly and who would – in what I can only describe as a sign of latent homosexuality – like to have Obama sucking on his great, big, er, “machine gun.” Well, it turns out that old Ted isn’t just a nut, he’s a draft dodger.

Twisted Sister front man Dee Snider recently pointed out how ironic it is that Nugent is such a darling of the right given that he once confessed to High Times that he was so desperate to avoid the draft that 30 days before his physical was due he stopped bathing and brushing his teeth, a habit which he has been struggling to kick ever since. Nugent even went so far as to shit on himself!

Of course, Nugent now claims that he was lying to High Times, but the records show that even though he initially used his studies to avoid the draft, he later dodged the Death Lottery by being classified 4f – i.e. not acceptable due to physical, mental or moral reasons. In other words, the kind of thing one could expect if he turned up with a mouth full of plaque and a pair of jeans full of shit.

The disgusting thing about Nugent is not that he avoided the draft – doing so shows that he wasn’t always a brain-damaged freak – but that he pushes standards that he himself does not live up to. In other words, one standard of behavior for the hoi polloi, another standard for multi-millionaires in the making. Like comic book artist and fellow right wing fruitcake Frank Miller, Nugent is keen to see blood shed for his country – as long as it isn’t his own. Still, there is one upside to this story. At long last we know why Ted likes to kill cute, furry, little critters – unlike the Viet Cong, they don’t shoot back.

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