You know those times when you eat something that’s gone off and the only solution to your woes is to make yourself puke, but the fingers down the throat just aren’t working? I give you the answer to your problems…

Bloody ‘ell! Yes, it’s Lizzo, that icon of everything that is healthy and wholesome. And this came from some Daily Mail article in which she was described as “curvaceous”! No – curvaceous means you have curves, what this woman has are lumps! If anything, she’s lump-aceous!

Now, if you want to be fat enough to get stuck in a freight elevator, that’s your business. But when you are rich and famous and therefore influential, you should not be acting as if looking like a beached whale that’s been left out in the sun too long is a good thing. After all, unlike the rich, girls stupid enough to follow this Lizzo girl into the realm of morbid obesity can’t afford to pay someone to wipe their asses! Think about it, this woman literally cannot wipe her own ass, and she’s being held up — with great difficulty, admittedly — as some sort of role model! It’s madness, that’s what it is.

And then there are the coming medical bills. Fine for Lizzo, she can get a million dollars worth of surgery at the first sign of high blood pressure, but the poor girls can’t! They’ll get diabetes, and heart attacks, and strokes! And how you gonna look sexy when both your feet are missing and half your face is down to your knees? You ain’t. Shame on Lizzo, and shame on the Daily Mail for promoting this crap. They’ll be promoting heroin addiction, next.