17 year old menace to society, Cormega Copening, has been allowed to escape a custodial sentence for the heinous crime of taking photos of Cormega Copening and then showing those photos to another underage person, also, coincidentally, called Cormega Copening. Who the hell would have thought that Cormega Copening would be such a common name anywhere, much less in North Carolina?

Yes, that’s how dumb Amerika has gotten. The kid with the unlikely handle was hit with five charges of sexual exploitation for taking and possessing sexually explicit photos of a minor, that minor being himself. He was actually named in court as both perpetrator and victim, which makes this the case of Copening vs. Copening! After trying very hard to get himself to drop the charges against himself, Copening gave in to himself and took a plea deal. According to both lawyers involved in the case, their client is very pleased with himself.

As part of his one year probation deal, Copening (that’s the perpetrator one, not the victim one) must stay away from cellphones, do some community service and take a class on making good decisions – such as moving to a less idiotic jurisdiction. The judge also advised him not to jerk off during the probation period, as that could get him charged with sexually abusing a minor.

Get your legal idiocy right here.