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Scarlett Johansson is Thick as a Whale Omelet

Scarlett Johansson is Thick as a Whale Omelet published on

And she’s no great beauty either, despite what Hollywood’s PR machine and millions of myopic fanboys may say — weird is the word, folks, not gorgeous. But back to the lukewarm puddle of porridge sloshing around inside her head. Seems some French guy has written a novel about the adventures (mild ones from the look of it) of a Scarlett Johansson impersonator and so the squirrel-brained actress has sued him for making “defamatory claims about her private life.” In other words, for making her look bad by portraying the character as having affairs that Johansson herself never had! Amazingly, or perhaps not so amazingly given the kind of dolt that so often ends up on the bench, the French judge was stupid enough to agree with her so he awarded her 4500 Euros to compensate for the fact that a character with the same name did some things she didn’t. In a further act of idiocy the Gallic Geek In The Wig also decided that the novel hadn’t “fraudulently exploited her name, her image and her celebrity” in order to make money! To a sensible person that’s something that it clearly does do, but not to the judge, who like Freaky-Faced Girl no doubt has problems trying to figure out what to do with a light switch.

As for Little Ms Spaced Out, it’s a good thing the poor girl wasn’t named Jane Smith – can you imagine the chaos and confusion that would cause in the life of such a perpetually bewildered creature? She reads in the newspaper that a Jane Smith has been flattened by a truck, freaks out and runs down the street screaming “Oh, my god, I’m dead! I’m dead!” No, honey, you’re not – but your brain certainly is.

Another fine Hollywood intellect on display here.