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Dumbass Woman Can’t Tell East from West

Dumbass Woman Can’t Tell East from West published on

Because the American political scene wasn’t already enough of a joke, Sarah Palin has recently been given her own reality tv show, a move which has put her prowess as an outdoorsy type under the microscope, and which has given the world yet another glimpse into what is no doubt the finest conservative intellect of her generation.

In a recent episode of her show, Palin and her old dad went a-huntin’ and, much as she did during a recent radio interview, the poor addled woman forgot to bring her compass with her.

One morning, Palin and her old man were setting out for a day of happy go lucky critter killin’ (mostly cos there weren’t no Injuns around)  when the perpetually bewildered female pointed to the horizon and suggested that the two should go west. Her poor old dad, perhaps wondering why his twilight years should be blighted by the presence of such an idiot child, paused awkwardly before noting that the woman who would be president was in fact pointing to the east!

Apparently she’s not much of a hunter either as she takes five shots to hit a stationary caribou, gets her dad to load the gun for her, and has occasionally been heard referring to her rifle as “the Boom thingy!”

It’s a good thing Sarah Palin wasn’t alive when the United States catch cry was “Go west”  – she would probably have ended up settling somewhere in Brooklyn.

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Dumbass Woman Can’t Tell North From South

Dumbass Woman Can’t Tell North From South published on

The answer to the question “Who would Dan Quayle be if he was a woman?” has once again made a massive fool of herself, this time by claiming that it is North Korea that is the US’s ally!

With her customary disrespect for the English language, the pointy headed moose whacker told a radio interviewer…

“Well, North Korea, this is stemming from a greater problem, when we’re all sitting around asking, ‘Oh no, what are we going to do,’ and we’re not having a lot of faith that the White House is going to come out with a strong enough policy to sanction what it is that North Korea is going to do.

So this speaks to a bigger picture that certainly scares me in terms of our national security policy. But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies – we’re bound to by treaty….”

See, this is why the US needs to get serious about fixing its educational system – or at least force everyone to watch more old episodes of MASH!

The linked article puts this down to a mere slip of the tongue, I however see it differently. If this was a one-off gaffe it might be irrelevant in making a judgment about Palin’s intellect, but this is part of an ongoing  pattern of stupidity that can only be taken as clear evidence that Palin shouldn’t even be allowed to run for the presidency, much less win it. And if  you think the US has an image problem now, think about this – if Palin becomes president and another Korean war breaks out she might bomb the wrong bloody country!

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Dumbass Woman Threatens To Invade Oval Office

Dumbass Woman Threatens To Invade Oval Office published on

We all know that it’ll happen sooner or later, and today the infamously dense Sarah Palin came one step closer to throwing her bonnet into the ring for 2012…

In an interview with media Methuselah Barbara Walters, the ever-eloquent Palin stated…

“I’m looking at the lay of the land now, “

(No, I don’t know what Palin’s daughter has to do with this either.)

The moose-whacking soccer mom continues…

“and … trying to figure that out, if it’s a good thing for the country, for the discourse, for my family, if it’s a good thing,”

In other words she’s trying to figure out how many of her fellow pinheads will be willing to vote for her. Frankly I don’t understand why anyone would want this Evita Perron wannabe to become the most powerful person in the world, but then I’m not an idiot.

On the other hand she’s thick as a brick and good to look at, so it would certainly be a more entertaining presidency – think George W. crossed with Jessica Simpson and directed by Tarantino and you’ll have the right picture.

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Witch! Witch!

Witch! Witch! published on

Well, well, it looks as if devout Christian and anti-wanking crusader Christine O’Donell has held beliefs even more questionable than her current ones about the Angry Old Man In The Sky.

On Bill Maher’s old show “Politically Incorrect” the semi-literate O’Donnel informs us that she “dabbled into (sic) witchcraft” and even held a midnight picnic on a satanic altar! Of course what witches and Satan have to do with one another is anyone’s guess, but one can’t expect much from her ilk…

Incidentally, I believe that the man sitting next to her is gay horror writer Clive Barker, and the other woman looks like Poppy Z Brite, a New Orleans horror writer who once described herself as a gay man trapped in a woman’s body!

Yet who comes across as the weirdo? The Christian girl! Makes you wonder just how much freakiness lies behind the Republicans’ Rockwellian façade, don’t it?

Now, I don’t think this teenage experimentation says much about O’Donell’s character, nor do I think it calls her current beliefs into question, but it sure is funny! I especially like her insistence that she didn’t join a coven, having as it does shades of Bill Clinton’s claims that he may have smoked pot, but he never actually inhaled…



Michael Claymore Wins Pulitzer!

Michael Claymore Wins Pulitzer! published on

Great news!

My manager Michael Claymore has just won the Pulitzer prize for his epic novel “Where the fuck is MY Nobel?”

The Pulitzer board recognized that Mr. Claymore has yet to learn the difference between vowels and consonants, but they have great faith that within the next six months he will eclipse Mailer and Hemingway and that he will, in all likelihood, make Shakespeare look like that jackass who wrote “The Whiny Housewives of Madison County”

Hot on the heels of this stunning announcement came the news that Michael has also won the Oscar for Best Director for his as yet un-filmed opus “Apocrypha Now”, which critics are describing as combining the greatness of “Ishtar” with the high octane action of a weekend with your grandmother.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, the Pope declared that in a letter handed to one of his predecessors by the children present at Fatima, it was revealed that the recent tacky impersonation of the Jackson five is in fact the Seventh Sign of the Apocalypse. His Holiness then begged Mr. Claymore to persuade his heavenly father to delay the Armageddon long enough for His Holiness to win his own box of Cracker Jacks.

On the negative side, it is not true that Mr. Claymore is soon expected to find a cure for cancer, as in his own words “I just bought the fucking chemistry set for Dad’s sake, stop putting so much pressure on me!”

According t o CNN, when asked whether or not Mr. Claymore would be the recipient of next year’s Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel committee replied “What, you think we give these things to just anyone?”