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Steve Jobs Hates Your Wiener

Steve Jobs Hates Your Wiener published on

Okay, maybe he doesn’t hate it, but he doesn’t want to see it on the IPad either!

According to Slate’s “The Big Money”, a comic book version of the incomprehensible James Joyce classic Ulysses – which I believe tells the tale of a Jewish Irishman’s daylong search for a fresh bagel – has been knocked back by the mighties at Apple because one panel features a tiny drawing of the grossly offensive male organ!

Adding to the puritan bizarreness of the situation, the comic’s creators claim that they aren’t even allowed to include the penis panel with some kind of pixilation to blur the evil thing, as doing so is against Apple policy!

I don’t have a problem with Apple not wanting actual porn on the IPad, but this is clearly not porn but rather a small, inoffensive, and patently un-erotic depiction of some naked guy jumping into the sea! Not to mention of course the fact that the novel is known for its sexual content, so what were Apple expecting? A bowdlerized version of Ulysses produced by Disney and featuring songs by Celine Dion?

I wonder if this means Apple won’t carry photos of Michelangelo’s David or the Farnese Hercules?  Those works are also considered masterpieces and they feature much more detailed depictions of the penis, not only that but said wangs are also attached to what most people would consider to be good-looking men and therefore have far more erotic potential than this rather minimalist depiction of our sun-loving Irish friend.

Perhaps Apple’s view of an artwork featuring the penis can best be summed up in the immortal words of The Simpsons’ Helen Lovejoy…

“It’s filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body which, practical as they may be, are evil.”

More on the banned banger here.