I’m not fond of this dog-faced wonder, mostly due to “Ur So Gay,” a vile little number telling some emo boy to kill himself because, in essence, he isn’t masculine enough. Even coming from someone else such an attitude would be contemptible, but coming from a girl who sings about kissing girls and liking it, it is doubly so. Apparently in Ms Perry’s worldview straight but un-masculine boys should be reviled, while straight girls into a bit of Sapphic fun should be celebrated as strong, independent and of course sexy.

But this isn’t about Perry’s hypocritical view of gender, or the fact that her face looks like a moose’s rear end, it is about her new video, which seems to be trying very hard to portray dying for the oligarchy as some sort of triumph of Girl Power. Apparently, as young American males are wising up and realizing that being able to feel more manly because they joined the army and killed some A-rabs doesn’t really compensate for having their balls blown off, the oligarchy is now turning to the female sex for its cannon fodder.

Poor Video-Katy, she gets cheated on by her bloke, and for some bizarre reason decides that the way to get revenge is to become a mercenary! I’m sorry, I meant to write “a marine,” but there really isn’t much difference these days, is there? So she gives herself a haircut (bad idea, honey — it’s your only attractive feature) and joins the army, where she proceeds to act all butch and shit. Not only do we see the young fool go through basic training, but she seems to end up in some desert war, no doubt proving that you don’t need to be male to be tough.

Now, what the fuck does any of this have to do with a song about being cheated on? Nothing, that’s what. Going to war isn’t even a good metaphor for getting over a broken heart, so why the military theme? Call me cynical, but I think the main thing going on here is that some bastard somewhere decided it was time for women to start doing their fair share of the dying, and that if you can use machismo to sell the army to stupid boys you can sure as hell use Girl Power to sell it to idiot girls.

This entire thing reminds me of an old episode of The Simpsons. You know the one. The one in which Bart’s boy band is being used to sell the army to children, subliminal messages and all. It was funny then, it doesn’t seem so funny now…